Making Peace
by Sushi
Summary: This tale, which takes place after Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, is told from the pages of Cho Chang’s diary in which it reveals the aftermath her relationship with Harry and the impending Second war.
1. Meeting again

**Day 1**

I'm all muddy and disgusting from Quidditch practice today but happy to announce that my game has much improved. Well it's better than the sorry state of it last year...there is still room for improvement so I am told. I'm definitely going to try fit in some private practice during the evenings.

Had potions. Hate the assignment. Hate Snape. Hate NEWTS.

**Day 2**

I saw Harry today although he did not notice me at all. He looks older and taller but on his face is etched a sadness that was not there a year ago. I think to the events of our very last meeting. God, he had such hateful indifferent eyes. I supposed you wonder how could someone have hateful and indifferent eyes...well I'm not sure but Harry had them when he looked at me. It was strange how I could see he felt nothing for me. It was like deep down inside he was angry with a rage. _How could you Cho?_

It could not be because I was with Michael Corner. There was love lost in his gaze and he didn't care one jot. I'm quite sure it was because I chose Marietta's friendship over his. The one thing he values is friendship and loyalty. Argh...it leaves me feeling terrible thinking he is hating me. I wish I could make amends... I just don't know how to...

I want him to like me again. Is that so needy? I swore over the summer after I had broken it off with Michael that I would be a single independent girl. I don't need boys... ...Oh...then why does my stomach knot completely every time I catch a wisp of Harry's jet black hair in the distance?

**Day 3**

I was at the Quidditch pitch today we had a 'friendly match against Slytherin. Although I use the term 'friendly' quite loosely here,

I was up against Draco Malfoy... wait that's...unwelcome dirty thoughts... yuck! He kept looking me up and down today. I'm not sure if he was trying to intimidate me or just being a letch. I wish I could wipe off that stupid smirk off his face but his family connections frighten me.

"It is better to get along with everyone rather than be at war," that's what Dad says. I suppose that's true…who am I kidding? I can take that peroxide idiot on the pitch and make him wish he'd never been born.

**Day 4**

Today I was on my way to the library, since I can't make heads of tails of this assignment for potions and I noticed a huddled crowd of people in the reading section .. whispering. It was all of the DA having a meeting and from the looks of it... I was most unwelcome. Harry had his head stuck in a book but then he looked up. We locked eyes so I smiled... but he did not smile back!

I AM SUCH A PLONKER!

I crawled away and went to another shelf and pretended I was interested in those particular books. I shouldn't keep feeling sorry for myself but...I felt like a teeny tiny bug that was being flicked away. I felt so pathetic...what hurt me more... I don't know... ... not working along with everyone in the DA? After all It was my sworn mission to seek revenge against You Know Who. The things he did. I guess I shouldn't have expected a place back with the DA...I don't really know what I was thinking?

And the blank face that Harry gave me... It makes me realize how empty I feel that I'm not a part of his life anymore

**Day 5**

Mum sent me some enchanted noodle thing that Ah-Ma likes. It smells all spicy...It could do with extra chilli oil or something but Hogwart's house elfs don't really know what that is so I expect I'll have to ask for some to be sent over.

I'm still reeling from the pathetic-ness of yesterday. I wish I could talk to someone about it. Marietta wouldn't care...in fact I know she does not. The DA frankly despises her and she hates them...it's as simple as that.

The rest of the girls keep saying that Harry is stupid because of what the DA did to Marietta! I nod but inside I am completely different. I've never known someone as brave as he is. The things he must have seen and still he carries on. He's funny, kind, smart, he's an excellent quidditch player as well and he's quite...handsome...well he is!

SHUT UP CHO...I am not interested...I am not interested...I feel nothing...I feel nothing x 100...x infinity.

**Day 6**

I think it's just me missing his attention. It has to be. He always used to notice me...our eyes were like magnets, forcing me to look at him. I admit I was curious and flattered. Was THE Harry Potter looking in my direction? I always thought that was my imagination working overtime. I never dreamt in a million years he felt the same... I think things might have been different if I'd have known earlier. But you can't turn back time... and I would not wish away the time I had with Cedric.

Gosh, Cedric. I used to think about him all the time, even after his death. He was still there…I could feel his presence around me. Sometimes it was a smell, or some food I'd be eating...that would trigger a wonderful memory of him. Sometimes I would talk to him…it made me feel better.But then during 6th year I didn't think so much on him. I had the odd dream about Cedric but I didn't feel so alone because something was happening between Harry and me.

But then one day quite quickly...it just happened Cedric's image and voice were fading like water in the sun and Harry's face was replacing his. This terrified me and then I began to cling desperately to Cedric's memory. I was not supposed to forget him but I knew I had move on. It was unbearable for me, half of me wanting to stop living but ... but now... it takes time to learn all these life lessons. I feel that it is ok to carry on. I still have those memories, which are the most important thing Cedric could ever leave me.

**Day 30**

Well of all places... I was getting a package Mum sent me (the chilli oil- if you must know) in the Owlery and I bumped into Harry. LITERALLY. The oil jar smashed onto the floor and it sprayed everywhere. There was mum's special orange chilli oil seeping into his once clean white shirt.

I was apologizing and he was apologizing.

'Sorry' I said wincing at how orange Harry's shirt look.

'No it's my fault' said Harry.

'No no...I'm really sorry'

''I'm sorry'

'No I'm sorry'

'I said it first' he said.

'Shut up'

And then we both just laughed and grinned at each other. I'm not sure why...it really wasn't that funny. But somehow I felt like I was apologizing for everything that happened between us even though it was obviously just the chilli incident to him.

Inside I was beaming, for at that moment it was just like how we used to be when we knew each other.

He kind of stood there and scratched the back of his neck.

'You might want to wash that quickly...Oil stains really are hard to get out' I said to fill the silence. He was wearing a veiled expression on his face. I guess not very impressed with my oil stain discussion.

'OH uh ok...' he said sniffing the cuff of his sleeve, 'what is this stuff?"

'Chilli Oil' I said, I could see from the look on his face he thought I was crazy.

'Yeah...I like to add it to spaghetti sometimes... adds a bit of spice...my mum's recipe...It sound silly but it reminds me of her and home'

He nodded and started looking up in the aviary at the numerous white owls. He looked sad again. I had not been a part of his life for a long time and now I wanted to ask him a million questions like ..._how are you? Are you ok? What have you been doing?_ but it just seemed so wrong, especially after seeing that strange dark look in his eyes. I've only seen that once before...and that was in me when I learnt that life was not always full of cheer...and that people were not always so good.

"I can't seem to find Hedwig" he said and sat himself down in the corner.

I looked at my watch, the hands read half past nine. I had potions with Snape - not a lesson I want to be late for. Harry was picking bits of hay or something from the ground and shredding it with his fingers.

"The first lesson is going to start soon," I said edging towards to the door.

"Well you better go then." He said in a slightly cold manner.

"What you're not going?"

"If I want a lecture about skipping lessons I'll go to Hermione for that." said Harry shortly, 'plus I've got this huge orange stain on my front...it would be about 5000 points from Gryffindor if Snape saw me.'

"I am really sorry Harry," I said looking at his tragic spattered shirt.

"I know," he said, "You better go now..."

And as I left him alone in the Owlery I wondered what he was thinking about.

**Day 40**

I was sitting by the lake with the girls have a natter. Tomasin was telling me about the recent happenings and gossip. She told me Hermione Granger was going out with Ron Weasley. I have to admit I was happy about this... Not because I particular care about either of them but in our relationship I wanted Harry to talk to me but he always talked to her. They were so close that it frightened me. I admit I was jealous. She knew so much more about him than I ever could. What he was thinking and how he was feeling. Those were things I wanted to know as well. I wanted him to confide in me.

"Ugh I can't stand that girl," said Marietta, "plus she has bad hair...as far as I'm concerned they deserve each other"

"What? That Ron boy isn't that bad...I quite fancy his older brother Bill or is it Charlie" said Tomasin digging into her school bag. Marietta leant against a tree and looked towards the castle. I just ummed a little. I don't really indulge in gossip but I don't mind hearing it.

"And... I swear there was something between Hermione and Harry Potter when he was going out with Cho" quipped another girl called Charlotte, "I mean imagine wanting to see another girl when you are on a _Valentines _date. _Disgusting_"

I turned towards her. "You know what? I don't really want to be reminded"

"I'm just stating what I heard. There have been rumours around since Yule Ball... remember that newspaper article?' said Charlotte.

"Just idle gossip" was all I could say. But the truth was, I believed in those rumours too. It turned me into a monster. Not that I would ever admit that to anyone but myself.

**Day 46**

Looks like they've reinstated Harry back into the Quidditch team because I met him at the pitch. He was alone practicing with a snitch. I felt like we'd reached some safe ground so I invited him to practice with me.

He shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Sure...why not.' Maybe he was bored and had nothing better to do. It seemed strange that he was always alone now, "I have to warn you though...I'll probably beat you"

"Is that SO?" I said.

"Yeah..." He said taking a box with the snitch inside.

"Well I'm about to prove you wrong so you better eat your words." I said with a smile.

He was un-strapping the kit box and he looked up, "Hey do you remember the last time I played against you?'

Yes. It was the first time I had met him. I remember he looked at me and his cheeks went really red when I smiled at him. I felt my own smile break into a laugh, "Of course... you wouldn't even knock me off my broom. Too much of a gentleman according to Oliver Wood but I think it's just because you couldn't.'

He shook his head and held up the snitch in front of me flapping its bright glittering wings. "Wait 5 minutes before we go into the air...that will give us time to actually go find it...close your eyes and don't cheat"

"You better close your eyes too." I said.

He fingers uncurled from its round body and it shot across into the sky leaving a trail of gold glitter in its path. We watched as a v of geese fly over the skyline and the sun was beginning to turn into a pale yellow shimmer. I felt I was losing myself to the moment as I watched the snitch disappear into the sky.

"YOU forgot to close your eyes." He said.

"SO did you ..." I said, "anyway it's one of my favourite moments of the match...it's so beautiful watching it fly away."

"You girls and pretty things...blah blah blah." Harry leant back into the bench and sighed and continued, "For me it's the moment...the very first moment I see the snitch, the sudden rush and speed of the wind in my face...nothing beats that surely?" he said.

"How about when you actually have your fingers clasped around it and the cheer of your house when you show it them? I love that feeling. It's more than a game...it's about belonging somewhere...bringing something to your house...your family' I said.

Well it is true! Cheesy but true.

I wish I hadn't mentioned the word family. Harry looked a little sad again but then he said

"Yeah... well" said Harry picking at the grass, "the losers hate you for it."

"And you'd know what that's like" I gently nudged him in his sides.

"Ok...so maybe you're ok" His voice trailed off and he had this squinty look in his eyes. I wished I had a camera to take a photograph of him and show it to him one of these days. He looked so funny. I could see he was trying to get a one liner back on me.

I pointed my finger at him; "If you say for a girl...I'll put a hex on you."

He held up an imaginary white flag and then we stopped talking for a while. It was the most comfortable silence I have ever experienced. We watched the pale sky turn into stars.

I play it over in my mind sometimes... just the silence. I'm sitting there with Harry under the moonlight. We don't say anything but I know I am completely happy. Over time the memory changes a little, sometimes I would notice little things like the shadow under his bottom lip or the pale orb of light in his eyes or if I was closer, how he smelt.

But I know whenever I pass him and see his kind green eyes are smiling me...I am left with that empty feeling because I know he doesn't feel the same about me anymore.

And then I drift off back to our moment of silence and I remember how I looked up wondering about the forgotten snitch that was zooming across the horizon somewhere lost.

But I didn't dare bring it up again...because I was alone with Harry.


	2. Getting to know you

**Day 54**

We were in the Ravenclaw common room talking about Luna Lovegood. She is a fascinating character but people treat her a bit like a freak show because she lives in her own world. I actually kind of her admire her for that. She doesn't care. I sometimes wish I could be like that too. I care too much about what people think.

Anyway Marietta was telling me she has a theory that Luna has a crush on Ron Weasley. She is quite a perceptive person in that way. She also told me in the nicest way she could that she had feelings for... wait for it... Michael Corner!

"Do you mind?" she said nervously, "It's not like we're going out or anything but we talk now and then... and I think I really like him."

"You don't need my permission...I would never stop you if he's going to make you happy. He is a nice guy." I said.

It's true. He was nice. But at the time, I don't really think I was all there. It would have been unfair to him to carry on dating him, at least I realised this sooner rather than later...

Plus... it lasted maybe two weeks or something. I can't say that's what I call a relationship... not a substantial one anyhow.

"Really?" Marietta gave me the biggest hug in her life and started fanning herself.

"Sometimes you can't help how you feel about certain people" as I said that to her my thoughts drifted back to Harry.

I know. Don't look at me like that. But hey...this is my diary and it's not as if anyone else if reading this! I'll write what I like about him. It's the only place I can say all these things. Plus...I think Marietta would be really cross about it. Oh... if she found out I was talking to Harry again I think she would hate me... I don't think she would make me choose but...if I could tear myself into two pieces...that is what I would do right now.

**Day 55**

I was in the Owlery again. Mum said in her last letter I better be careful with the next package she sends me. I opened the box there... I got sent a Bewitchin'Glamour magazine, those weird flying saucer sherbet sweets, chilli oil and she slipped in some photos of the family.

I looked at the photos and I felt a bit homesick. I wanted to be alone... I really wanted to be alone. Everything single thing...person...creature...ant...dust...was bothering me. I mean where do you go to be by yourself? I can't go into the dorm room. There is always someone there... sometimes I can't even go to the toilet by myself because they is always a sweet friendly face talking to me.

"Oh hey..." said a voice from entrance.

I turned round and it was Harry. Well I suppose if I couldn't be alone then I'd like Harry to be my companion. At least he doesn't talk sometimes. I think he quite enjoys silences too...

For a fleeting moment, I remember thinking that I really liked how we kept running into each other in the grounds. Was it fate or just chance? Or was it his intention to be there at the same time with me?

"Hey," I said quite casually. I rummaged in the box and stared hard at my photographs. He went to his owl Hedwig and was untying a letter from her leg. It looked like quite and important letter because it seemed like he was rereading it again and again. Then he looked out of the window and then his eyes were back down in the letter.

"So what did you get?" he said walking towards me. He peered in to the box and picked up my family photograph. I realised that even he could bother me too...I never snooped in on his private letters.

I snatched back the photo from him quickly "Excuse me!" I said snapping.

He looked a bit shocked.

"That's nothing you need to know about," I said. He had a really agitated look on his face. It matched the irritated tone I had in my voice.

"What are you talking about? That's not nothing...that's your family." He said quite angrily, "You really should learn to control your temper."

So MAYBE he had a point... But...I wasn't going to agree with him.

"My temper?" I laughed...it was not a nice laugh. It was a little nasty, "What about you?"

"Me?" he said raising his voice.

"Yes you!" I said pointing at him, "You walk around Hogwarts like you have your wand shoved where the sun don't shine...you always seem so...I don't know... like you're angry at the world"

"I'M NOT ANGRY!" he said shouting.

"Then why are you shouting?" I said.

"I'M NOT SHOUTING!" he said and then he stopped and lowered his voice, "Ok so maybe I was shouting..."

This was so ridiculous fighting over nothing in particular. I laughed a little which seemed to clear the air.

"You know what...I'm sorry it's just I'm just having a bad day. I needed to take it out on someone. You just happened to be here at the right time," I said sighing.

"Or the wrong time." He said.

"Yeah...sorry..." I said.

He was quiet for a while but then said, "Do I really walk around Hogwarts like that?"

"Well not the wand thing... but..."

"You may have a point about me being angry," He said waving the letter at in his hand.

"What's it about?"

"Oh just DA stuff." He said shortly.

Oh

"So how's it going in a DA?" I said as we started walking out of the Owlery together.

We were turning a path towards the castle and he said quite stiffly, "I don't really want to talk about it...not with you"

_Ouch._ I felt like I was dying inside. He hadn't forgiven me at all.

But then he said, "I'd rather forget about all that stuff and talk about normal things... with you...ok?"

"Ok" I said.

Then we walked back in silence and parted with a smile at the tall doors of the Great Hall. It was lovely.

**Day 57**

So whenever I bump into Harry. It is usually when we're having a free break, quidditch or it's after school. Somehow we always meet and I always remember that we should never talk about anything sad or serious. I don't know what he's escaping but I'm really glad it's with me.

So we were discussing by the lake... _books_ and I was saying how I was thinking of starting a Hogwarts book club. Harry said he doesn't read much at all. He said not even as a child. I used to read that muggle detective book series….oh what was she called? Nancy Drew a lot when I was about 12 and I tried to tell him how great those books were. Maybe he could read some.

"Aren't you a bit old for Nancy Drew?" he said, he was fishing his hand in the water and swirling it around.

"NO ONE is too old for Nancy Drew" I said.

"I suppose you're going to tell me to read Sweet Valley High too," he said raising an eyebrow then he flicked some water at me.

Gosh those muggle books...I went through a phase of reading them when I was 12. I wanted to be Jessica. I wanted to be blonde and beautiful with white teeth, long gazelle like legs and big bright blue dazzling eyes and long fluttering eye lashes. I was so envious of her because in contrast I had dark hair, I was short, my eyelashes never fluttered and my eyes... people would say they were the shape of almonds. I remember thinking back then I don't want my eyes being compared to nuts! But I learnt that I was never going to look like those girls in the magazines, which is fine...I'm not so neurotic about not looking like everyone else now.

Anyway I am digressing a little...I was wondering how I could retain being cool in his eyes but then it occurred to me... how did he even know what Sweet Valley High was?

"You've read Sweet Valley High haven't you?"

"No" he had a bit of an annoyed look in his face.

"You have... haven't you?" I started laughing.

"I just know they exist because Dudley used to read them...it's not like I didn't want to read. I wanted to...but"

"Why didn't you?"

He seemed a little embarrassed, "In my room...there wasn't enough light."

"Couldn't you get a lamp?" I said.

He seemed to flush a little like he wanted to say something but did not know how to say it "I...well when I was younger the room... my bedroom...was a cupboard under the stairs..."

"What?"

Suddenly about a dozen thoughts were running in my mind.

Should I be calling Wizarding Child Line? Who is Dudley? He lived in a cupboard? Geez, no wonder he wears glasses...

I knew he lived with his Aunt and Uncle but that was about it. It was at that point when I wondered if I knew him as well as I thought I did. I don't think I knew anything about his life outside of Hogwarts. Why had I never asked him?

Then I became very aware that we were about to go into a new territory of our friendship. He was confiding in me, well more than he had ever done before.

"Yeah so..."

"You don't have to be embarrassed about your past...I mean...I'm sor..."

"There are too many people in my life who are..._sorry_...that's all they ever are." He was looking over the lake and over the mountains being distant again.

"Sure parts of my life aren't spectacular and I feel sorry for myself...maybe too much but..."

He sort of wriggled in the spot and suddenly said, "Don't you start feeling sorry for me" said Harry.

But I did feel sorry for him. I wanted him to tell me what he was escaping. But I couldn't think of anything else to say to I remained silent. Next time..if he does dare to share something with me again I'll think of something good!


	3. Changes

**Day 61**

All day in library today. I have NEWTS to up to my eyeballs. We have the mock exams now. Oh I never knew I could be so boring. Tomasin passed me a lot of notes though while we were there so that passed the time. If I see another book I think I will hit someone.

**Day 62**

I was dreaming about books all last night. In fact… I think at one point I had turned into a book myself. Marietta had to carry me around in her school bag and then Harry was there…he said he wanted to read me…but then he got cross and he turned me into a tea cosy. Weird.

Studying. I don't know how I'm going to fit Quidditch practice in anymore.

**Day 63**

Library again. Marietta, Charlotte and I were trying to test ourselves on Divination but then we started trying to see what our future husbands would look like. Then we got told off for talking so we buried our heads back into the books.

I did happen to notice that Harry was there with Hermione and Ron. They were dawdling by the restricted library section. He turned and mouthed hello to me. I smiled back. Marietta caught my smile and followed it back to Harry.

She started furiously scribbling in her rough book. I couldn't tell how she was feeling…probably quite anger. Yes..her pen was pressed so hard to the paper. Then she passed it to me with her pen stuck in her mouth, chewing hard the end and staring at me. I took the piece of paper and here's what she said.

It was quite messy and a bit of a jumble.

Cho…

_What are you doing? _

_I don't really know how I feel at this moment because when it concerns Harry Potter… my mind goes blank sometimes. I don't remember things… but I know I don't like him._

_I do remember how long I had to wear a balaclava for!! I do remember people making fun of me and saying I looked like a burglar…and whispering 'she really looks like a sneak'_

_It's not like I didn't care about betraying the DA…I am……really ashamed I almost got all those people expelled…even you and Michael… but I had to make a choice between my family or my friends. I know you don't hold it against me and I am so grateful for it…I just couldn't give my mum and dad another reason to hate me. I don't know why I keep trying to please them…_

_I know you are my best friend and you were there at the end for me…but I …I'm annoyed…..really annoyed and really hurt…I don't know what to say anymore…_

_Marietta._

I figured someone must have put a charm on her so she couldn't give away things we had been doing in the DA. I think it was better for her in the end. She used to ask what we did when her mind went hazy but I edged around the questions …I think she knows it but I think she prefers not to know anymore…ignorance really is bliss.

This is what I wrote back to her.

_Marietta…._

_I'm sorry I didn't tell you…and I'm really sorry but what happened with Harry…was unfinished. He was angry. I was angry. We couldn't even have a proper conversation because we'd end up fighting. So how did it end? It ended with me in anger walking off alone. There was no goodbye. _

_I had to finish it or at least put some closure on what happened between us._

I didn't know how to finish this the letter to be honest. My thoughts were running on the page... Harry and I hadn't had that 'relationship' conversation yet. We just sort of picked something up and waited to see what was next. I went back to the paper.

_We talked. And we are friends now. Please don't make choose between you two. Remember I told you... Sometimes you can't help your feelings like you and Michael? Well that's a bit like me and Harry. I still really like him…only now he doesn't feel the same… but it doesn't matter to me I still want to be his friend. I think he needs one. _

_Marietta…I don't know what to do…_

_Friends?_

_Cho_

_xxx_

God this was confusing. I just pushed the letter in her hands. She looked at me and then scribbled something else.

_Ooooooooooooooooook…look if I'm going to be mature about this…and I supposed I should…my quarrel is with Harry. It is not with you. I won't pretend I'm happy that you have …whatever you're having with him. _

_I can't support it. He's not the best guy for you…I don't think I need to tell you I think he treated you badly. Very badly. I can't be nice or civil to him…_

_But…you are my best friend. I would be so lost without you...so I guess …even though I hate him….(a little less than that Hermione Granger)… He could do with having a friend like you. Who knows it might improve him._

_Friends for life!_

_Marietta_

_xxx_

I read her note and just hugged her. I kept the notes in my bag and was so grateful she wasn't going to complicate things.

**Day 64**

This time Harry caught me on my way to the library. Now the romantic side of me had day dreamed that all our meetings were fate but then it occurred to me that perhaps he was finding me with his enchanted map he had… he used it in DA meetings to help us get out of the room of requirement safely…you know just in case of lurking teachers or worse… Umbridge.

He ran along side me, "Did I get you into trouble with the sneak?"

"Don't call her that…and hello…and no…" I said opening a door that lead to another corridor.

He put his hands in his pockets "Really? I was watching her in the library and she looked like she was about to start a fire …the speed of her writing."

I stopped in my steps. The whole subject of Marietta was really dangerous ground. How could I pass a comment without being…unfair to either party , "Well she doesn't really like you and there are many good, valid reasons why she feels the way she does." I said.

"Well that's debateable," he said sarcastically.

"But…she's fine with it." I didn't want to fight an old argument.

"Why?" said Harry looking quite puzzled.

"Because…. I'm her friend. You are my friend. So…we have a rule.. Any friend of mine is a friend of hers." I just made that bit up but I think I would have said anything…if there was a chance they might be stand in the same room one day perhaps even have a civil conversation together but I think I'm hoping for way too much1

"But you said she doesn't like me."

"Stop making things complicated Harry. Accept this as fact and you can continue to talk nonsense to me!" I said trying to put some books in my bag. I started making my way up the stairs. Harry was following and holding onto the banister quite tightly as the stairs moved.

"I don't need Marietta's permission to talk to you." He said looking over the crowd and then eyebrows did a weird wiggle when he turned back to me "Hey, stop being a boff and hang out a bit"

"What happened to Ron and Hermione?" I said. The offer was tempting.

"They…well…you know that place we went for the Valentines date?"

I …oh.yeah…Madame Puddifoot's….did I really want to be reminded? Incidentally, that was the first time he'd mentioned anything about our romantic past.

"Yes I do." I said. The stairs fixed to their new position. I got off and continued down the next hall. Harry followed.

"Well…they like to go there …A LOT."

"I'm sorry to have to leave you in the lurch but library and books call me to sit down and study. I have NEWTS you know." I said waving the book in the air. He snatched it from me.

"Come on….for once forget you're in Ravenclaw! Be Gryffindor…bold, daring and brave." Then he took off his tie and gave it to me. I was staring at it blankly.

"I'm making you an honorary Gryffindor which means it's not in your nature to go to the library!"

I grinned at him but he'd get points off for that if a teacher caught him with no tie on so I gave it back to him.

"You still believe in all that sorting hat nonsense?" I said moving out of the way so some second years could get past.

"What do think was put on your head when you first came to Hogwarts?" he said laughing

"Well it's 1000 year old gimmick which is fun for first years" I said as a matter of factly.

He looked like I'd told him Santa Claus didn't exist anymore and I continued, "It's a bit like horoscopes. You take it with a pinch of salt. I mean I don't think I'm always clever…I don't think you're always bold…I don't think all the Slytherins are evil. The hat is just a toy...You should know that.. it is not the house you are in that determines what kind of person you are …. It's the choices we make…"

He raised an eyebrow like he knew something I didn't. He always does that.

"The family house stuff is nice but it's unfair that one house is supposed make everyone in the same house become …I dunno…one mind. You see Harry. The difference between you and me is that I don't tarnish people with the same brush. In my eyes everyone is individual" I said rather snootily.

"Yeah I noticed that." He said, "You're such a Ravenclaw!"

I smiled at him again and then I just left him there and went to the library. He wouldn't be offended well he shouldn't. He's got Hermione Granger as a friend and I bet she's more studious than me. Besides I had a lot of work to do.

**Day 66**

Can't write much. Mock exams still going on.

**Day ….I lost count…..why didn't I keep a date system?**

**November 25th (much better)**

Mock exams are over. I weep happy tears of joy. I can relax just a little bit.

I had Quidditch Practice today. Good Good.. I needed a new uniform…. apparently all uniforms are being revamped to match the style the England team have adopted. They have really cool goggles and nicer glove mitts.

It says on the board we're playing Gryffindor on the 1st December.

Oh Harry will love that.

**November 26th **

He laughed in my face and wished me a lot of luck because apparently I was going to need it. I told him to stop being an idiot.

"You remind me of Malfoy on a bad day" I said.

That shut him up.

Heh.

Will be busy practising all week.

**November 30th**

Padma chopped off her hair! It used to be really long but she chopped it off! She says she's in her teenage rebellion phase or something and she does not like to look like Parvati anymore. And she requested that people refer to her as Padma and not lump her together with Parvati like they are one person. Fair enough.

Went to Hogsmeade with the girls and had a drink of butter beer. Yum!

**December 1st**

This was perhaps the worst day to be playing against Harry. First of all it was raining! (hmm reminds me of our first match) then…ugh………….. I don't know why but of all the days he chose….he had to pick today.

.I was getting my broom out and walking down the pitch so I could carry out my good luck ritual of picking some grass off the pitch before the match…you know the pro Quidditch players all do it.

So there I was picking the grass and Harry was running up the pitch saying we had to talk about something. I started joking that intimidation is against the rules and then he just said 'Cedric'.I had to stop for a moment. Maybe he said it a few times after that. I wasn't sure. My mind was a blur.

_Did he just say what I think he did? _

"Don't you want to ask me questions about what happened?" He said leaning on his broom. I didn't know what to say. _Yes… how about a year ago when I wanted to know._ I didn't know if I was angry or sad…or happy. All I could do was look at him strangely.

"What are you doing?" I said. I think it was at this point I wanted him to leave me alone.

"Cho it's been bothering me…."

"Harry it bothered me a year ago…I…why are you.."

It was like picking at a scab… opening up the wounds that had already healed and forcing it to bleed again. Why Why Why?

He was walking around me trying to get me to look at him. "Don't you want to talk about it? How it happened? How he was?"

"Harry …" I said trying to avoid his gaze.

"I just want you know that you can ask me."

I wanted to slap him. I thought I was over Cedric but I felt I was going to cry.

"Cho…I.."

"I don't want to talk to you now." I said running off to the changing rooms.

He put me off my game.

Gryffindor won.

Ravenclaw lost.


	4. Confessions

**December 2nd**

I never really understood why adults kept saying growing up is painful...I thought they meant physical growing pains but now I know that's not what they meant at all. I wish I wasn't so riddled with insecurities. I wish I knew what on earth was going on in my head. Why isn't there like a magic door I can walk through and suddenly be an adult and handle everything brilliantly?

I was reeling from yesterday's events. Why was I so angry with him? He was telling me things that I had wanted to hear but it's not like there was anything more I could have wanted to know. He had done that Quibbler Interview last year, it was more than enough, but still...I was a little annoyed about his timing. If only he had done this last year. He was confusing! I was confusing! It was all so confusing!

Harry was waiting for me outside of the Ravenclaw common room this morning but I ignored him and walked out to the Great Hall and made sure he couldn't talk to me. I was in a foul mood for most of the day so this time I told people I wanted to be on my own. Charlotte's face...she looked like she didn't seem to know what to do.

So I was on my way, trailing at the back of the class, alone to Care of Magical Creatures...feeling sorry for myself...yeah yeah yeah...

Suddenly a hand grabbed me out of nowhere and a voice said "_Silencio." _

I did try to scream but nothing came out. I found myself under a cloak with Harry. I was mouthing silently all sorts of things at him... then gave up quite quickly. He couldn't hear me. We stood still for a minute while everyone walked on to the lesson. I remember thinking. _But everyone is going to see this stupid cloak with two bodies under it_

I suddenly felt the velvet like material ripple against my skin as he lifted it away from us. He had his hands out, palms in the air like I was pointing a wand at him or something.

"I know you're cross about yesterday...that really wasn't the reaction I was expecting," he said.

We were alone now standing somewhere in the forbidden forest.

I found my voice again.

"Why are you trying to spoil everything?" I said backing away from him.

"I'm not...it's just that I understand you now..." He said trying to calm me down.

"I don't think you do at all." Then I tried to relax my voice and made it sound softer, "If you understood me. You'd know that you don't know have to tell me anything anymore."

"But don't you need to talk about it?" he said.

I sat down on some kind of tree stump, "I did...I did want to talk about it ...all the time actually...you were the one person I _really_ wanted to talk to ...but you were the last person who wanted to listen."

I looked around the dappled green light of the forest trying to find a good answer, "I knew it would be awkward but ...I had this need that wouldn't go away."

I felt I was pooling a tear in my eye.

I was sad and afraid...this conversation was going to bring up last year and the year before that...and remind me once again of one of the worst (and best) years of my life. I had buried it deep under the ground and now he was digging it up again. But how could I tell him that I was too tired to grieve anymore? It would sound so heartless. I quickly wiped the tear away. The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of Harry.

"I'm ok...really I am," I said. It's not as if I hadn't had time to think about this whole thing. But the past is the past and that's where I wanted to leave it. Maybe Harry felt guilty...maybe he needed to be reassured that I was ok.

"I don't need to know anymore Harry. It happened, he's gone...It's over...I've moved on...of course at one point I wanted to know what his last words were. Was he in any pain? Was it quick? Did he have a message for me? But then I thought...and this was a very important question I should have asked myself long ago ... how did I want to remember Cedric?"

I looked to Harry who seemed to be listening carefully, "Not as a body…not as murdered victim…no… I wanted to remember him when he was out and about…being that boy so full of life!"

"Harry...I have moved on...and really... it is ok," I said.

I think I heard a bird flap away in the treetops. Harry was pacing around over the soft pine needles on the floor. His footsteps were silent and then he said quietly, "But I understand you now."

I looked at him. There in his own eyes, it was as if he wore every pain and tragedy that had ever happened to him. It was now so clear and open for me to see. Why hadn't I seen it before?

What happened yesterday at Quidditch... The events leading up to this moment were all about Harry and not me at all. I wasn't cross with him in the slightest. I could see he was suffering.

I started walking towards him... He had turned his back to me now.

"Harry?" I said slowly approaching him.

He sat himself slowly down onto the bed of pine needles on the floor. His arm was shielding his own eyes from me. Then his whole body seemed to shake and he let out this cry full of anguish.

It was the only sound I could hear now in the forest.

Now it was he who was freeing himself from the prison of uncontrollable grief. Yes, now I understood what he wanted from me. He didn't want a girlfriend...he came to me because he needed a friend and he needed to know he wasn't alone.

So I reached for his hand and his closed around mine. I put my other free arm around his shoulder. I would have shouldered some of his burden if he would let me.We stayed there for a long while saying nothing; we listened to the birds and watched the leaves blowing in the winter wind.

Finally he said quietly, "I don't know if there is a God maybe it's a force...or an energy... Sometimes I feel I have to rage against it. I think of myself running against this light. It's red, blurry and fast like pure white-hot anger. I'm ramming my fists hard into its face and I'll punch it till my knuckles bleed...I don't feel the pain anymore and all I shout is..._why?_ Why did it happen and why does it still happen?"

His voice broke and wavered a little and he took off his glasses and wiped his tears with his sleeve. We were sitting apart now and he had his knees bent and his arms resting over them. He was looking at the floor muttering, "A pipe dream... that's all it was...a stupid dream..."

He did that sometimes. He'd refer to things that were happening in his life...or things that had passed... the serious things that I knew I was never to question. No details just feelings. I knew he had missions...some of them on his own, some with Ron and Hermione and some with the DA but he kept them all a secret from me. He said it was better that way.

"It's not one thing Cho...it's everything...everything is falling on top of me and I don't know how to handle it" he said looking deep in the forest, "Did you ever hear about what happened in the Department of Mysteries last year?"

Who hadn't? That was when You Know Who had come back to the wizarding world.

"I was there." He looked at me, "That was the day I really began to see that the world for what it really is...You see, my Godfather was part of The Order of the Phoenix...it was to help fight against Voldermort. I was watching him, he was fighting so well but... just...one second... he was there...then just like that ...he was gone. Where did he go? That's what I was thinking...where are you Sirius?"

He was shaking his head, "I was so lost and so desperate after that...I was so sure he was going to come back, running around talking to ghosts...asking questions...I wrote letters to him... I even sent them...how sad is that? One day Hedwig gave up... she wouldn't send any more of my letters because she knew they had no place to go to...I had to accept it. He was dead." he said.

"Harry..." I didn't say anything else because I knew I'd end up saying something really clichéd like..._things will get better, I'm so sorry, life goes on..._Those things aren't really a comfort at all. It doesn't change anything.

"The plan was after Hogwarts I was going to start a whole new life...I was going to live with Sirius. You know? Just me and him. He'd teach me how to ride a motorbike...tell me stories about my mum and my dad and...he'd give me advice about girls... . He didn't really have anyone else, not a real family...but he had me..."

A tear dropped from his eyes, "I would have taken care of him till he was really old and wrinkly. I wouldn't be like most adult children and send him away to a nursing home. I'd...keep him with me. I had so many plans...plans...but they weren't really were they? They were just dreams I could almost touch."

He was staring at the ground. "I never thought it was possible that my life could get more complicated than it is." He sighed, "I'll always be that boy who lived... in a cupboard under the stairs." His voice was bitter.

"Don't' say that...you aren't that boy...you're the boy who lived!" I said.

And then he let out a mirthless laugh and he was shaking his head, "the boy who lived?... more like..the boy too scared to die and too scared to live."

He added in a soft lost voice almost to himself, "That's what they might say one day."

I couldn't make out what that line meant. _They might say?_ _Living and dying?_ It seemed important to him. Now he was staring into space, his eyes shining bright, like he was looking into his future. He was hoping for something, something to happen to him. It made me frighten to think that he might want to give up on life itself. I felt my voice choke a little and I felt desperate, I had to speak now. I said whatever would come out of my mouth.

"There are good things too, life can be good...there's always something that keep us wanting to carry on and there's always something here that anchors you...that keeps you wanting to live... I know you have so many people who believe in you Harry...just... don't be afraid of the future... ...You'll make it."

He turned to me with a small smile on his face. Was it pity? Then I realised there was something more to what he was saying and what I was saying. I had pushed it so far out of my mind. I had never really thought about it. I couldn't. I didn't want to. I wanted it to go away...I didn't want it to be real. I don't think anyone did.

Everyone pretended that it wasn't going to happen. But it _was_ going to happen... we just didn't know when it would begin. I realised that we were standing on the cusp of the Second War and there was nothing we could do to stop it.

I felt the tears prickling under my eyelids. And then Harry leaned forward and kissed me.

I closed my eyes and I remember thinking to myself as he did this... that it was like our very first kiss under the mistletoe. At that time I was struggling with my own grief but then I really wanted to be with him...I knew I did because when I was with him I could get lost...and I remember when we were under the mistletoe that evening I wanted it to escape with him in his kiss.

But this kiss in the Forbidden Forest... It was a _similar _kiss I might have day dreamt about in Charms on a hazy summer afternoon. But...I knew it was hungry. It was selfish and I knew it was empty. It was all wrong. We broke apart. I'm not sure who made the decision first. Then we stared at each other like two animals in trapped in a locked cage. Who would make the next move?

Harry looked at me strangely and said, "Why do we always do that?"

I felt a little embarrassed. The heat rising to my cheeks, "Do what?"

"Why is one of us always crying when we kiss?" he said trying not to smile.

I started laughing, "Yeah it's not very romantic is it?"

"Blubbering like little babies," he said. He stood up from the ground and dusted the pine needles that were clinging to his clothes. He was staring at me again.

"What?" I said as I stood on my own feet.

"I have something to confess." We were walking over the gravel path. I thought it was something bad. But then he had a funny grin on his face and put his hands in his pockets.

"Kissing you was scarier than all the times I ever faced Voldermort."

I whacked him playfully on his arm and said,"Oh shut up!"

Then we walked back as if nothing had happened. There was no point in discussing the kiss because I think we both knew what it meant.

It was a _just_ a kiss.

A kiss that was trying to make everything better...to make us forget our future.


	5. Rites of Passage

December 3rd 

I feel a hundred times better than I felt a couple of days ago that's for sure. I haven't actually seen Harry around. I suppose he's quite busy with other things. Ever since the forbidden forest incident… it's made me more wary. I keep checking the newspapers for anything…. warnings…sightings…. But it's been pretty quiet. I'll try not to let it bother me so much….so the good news is that it's a few weeks till Christmas! That means presents, which also means shopping so I will have to stop by Hogsmeade one of these days.

December 5th 

It is so cold! My teeth are chattering. I can see from the dorm window that it's snowing right now. Perhaps it will last till Christmas…I hope they have snow back at home…a white Christmas…that would really be a first!

Everything is so Christmassy at Hogwarts. Flickwick was up with all the prefects putting the decorations up in the Great Hall. It's all gold and glittering…. lots of carol singing and snow fights. But I can't really join in because I have a hole in my gloves so the cold gets to my fingers really quickly.

It's funny how you don't see some people for ages even though you are in the same place… like I saw Roger Davies today and we caught up. He's stressing out over his exams. Know the feeling.

December 6th 

We're doing a secret Santa in the dorm room. But we have to go shopping by ourselves otherwise we'll all guess who got who. I had Tomasin and I got her this

witchy Victoriana kinda dress. She'll love it. She's into that weird gothic clothing in the muggle world.

Then I bumped into Harry. He was on his way into the Hogshead to meet Ron and Hermione. He didn't say anything about the other day. It's bit like… what happened between us should be left in the forest. An unspoken pact and that we should never breathe a word about it. Fine. I was fine about that….I am fine…Am I? Yeah I am…but how am I supposed be when I'm around him?

He invited me to go in and join them. At first I was a bit apprehensive about it. I wondered exactly how much they knew…how much had Harry told them and had he said anything about me?

I felt really uneasy and nervous but I went in anyway because I was really cold! Ron and Hermione were sitting together in the corner at a table by a crackling fire. She was holding his hand but I think he's quite embarrassed about public displays of affection because he was kind of muttering at her to "_let go_"

Boys.

I was just standing there staring at them. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. _Perhaps I should start with an apology or should I just pretend nothing happened?_

Hermione smiled and pulled out a chair for me, "You're among friends"

"Yeah" said Ron.…he did not sound too friendly I guess he couldn't trust me. I sat down, shrugged off my winter coat and pulled off my gloves.

"What drinks do you guys want?" said Harry.

Hermione spoke first, "Butter beer for me…. and Ron wants one too. Don't you Ron?"

"Yeah…I guess," said Ron. He was looking at a drinks menu.

"I'll have a Butter beer too… and Harry…I'll help you carry the drinks," I said quickly. I didn't really want to be alone with those two.

"Hey…." said Ron peering from the drinks menu, "Forget the butter beer… Can..can you get me a Firewhisky instead?"

"Er…I can't order that…" said Harry shiftily, "I'm underage remember?"

"Oh… I know that…but Cho isn't"

_I keep forgetting he's a year younger than me._

"RON!" Hermione was shaking her head and looking quite disapprovingly at him.

"What?" said Ron, "Cho is old enough to buy it for us!"

"No…Harry…Ron…No" Hermione had her arms folded across her chest. She obviously didn't like this idea at all.

"I wouldn't mind trying one myself." said Harry to me, "You don't mind do you?"

"Oh go on Cho…don't deny a man his first drink. It is a rite of passage….Let's savour this very special moment," said Ron.

I felt their eyes on me and they were trying to make me say yes

Put me in between a rock and a hard place why don't you?

I shrugged my shoulders. Ron rubbed his hands together and quickly pulled out his knuts and sickles along with Harry. Well if anything good was to come out of this it seemed that purchasing the firewhisky made me more agreeable in Ron's eyes.

Back at the table, Ron was guzzling it down.

"Not too fast Ron! You'll get really drunk," said Hermione holding his glass.

"You're not my mum," he said seizing it from her, "Come on," he was stroking her face, "let this lovely wild hair down and drink with me."

She relented with a blush and took a sip.

"Too strong!" she said wrinkling her nose.

Ron was leaning over the table and announced to everyone, "Believe it or not this is not my first drink."

Hermione was mopping the table and I heard her mutter under her breath_. "Well you're certainly acting like it is…." _

Her eyebrows were knitted together and her face was stony as she stared hard at Ron.

"Oh Hermione…don't be angry with me!" he said grabbing her hands in a drunken stupor, "You know I love you!"

Her brown eyes seemed to shine completely and then she smiled. But then she realised her mistake and quickly fixed her expression back furious. It was then that I knew she would forgive me for the firewhiskey fiasco. I watched as she looked at Ron's lazy smile and she slowly let her own smile creep back onto her face.

She held his hand hopefully, "Ron, that's the first time you've……"

He clutched at his stomach and then got up from his chair, "I think I'm going to be sick".

He ran out with his hands covering his mouth. Hermione leapt up from her chair and ran after him… still smiling.

Harry was quiet but he seemed quite happy.

He said, "hey…how come you're not having any?"

"I'm not a very good drinker… goes to my head." I said.

"It feels really nice," he said and then he laid his head on the table.

I said, "You know what… maybe you should stop….because…"

Now Harry was trying to lie on the table, "The room is spinning…or maybe I'm spinning."

I pulled him away from his drink, "Harry let's go…."

"No…this is great…it's a rite of passage"

He had a dopey look about him and he could barely stand on his own two feet. He was swaying so much that I even had to put on his coat and gloves for him. Quite a few people in the pub were staring with amusement.

"More…Accioyo…acciyo firewhisky." he said reaching in the air. I supported him under his arms and we pushed our way through the crowd for the exit.

"Whoa…mind the nargles…" He said pointing at something above us.

"What nargles?" I said looking up and then he left a wet kiss on my cheek. It was the mistletoe hanging over the entrance.

I wiped off his spittle and opened the door. We were engulfed in a cold blustery wind. I looked around the street but I could see no sign of Ron and Hermione so we decided…well I did…I decided we should go back to Hogwarts.

"You have to sober up Harry…before we get back to Hogwarts!" I said under my breath, "We could get into so much trouble."

Then Harry threw a snowball at my head.

The journey took about twice as long because he was dawdling…pointing at things…staring…he became quite mesmerised by the frozen lake so I made him sit down at the top of the hill. I was hoping it would give him time to sober up so I suggested to him that we should watch the sunset. So there we were sitting at the top of the hill. Harry tugged at my sleeve and then he pulled out something from under the pelt of his winter coat. It was another bottle of firewhisky. My eyes widened.

"Where on earth did you get that?" I said grabbing the bottle from him.

"Accio firewhissskey….." He said taking it away from me.

I had created a monster, "But you were drunk…you couldn't possible accio it …You really have to sober up before we get back!" I said in a panic.

He twisted the lid open and we heard the firewhisky sigh into the crispy air.

I grabbed it off him again and he let out a gasp, "Don't spill it!" he cried. He grabbed it back and took a really long swig of it, "You better have a sip of this because it's not fun doing this alone…plus don't you find this quite manly?"

"Watching the sunset?" I said.

"Watching the sunset…and having a firewhisky….it's a man thing" He took another swig, "So come join me."

Wow. Nice way to make me feel like I wasn't even a woman!

I tried to think of a good excuse, "I'll need to find my way back to my dorm room…. if I was drunk I'd get into the wrong bed or something and that would scare everyone."

He laughed, "I'll help you into bed…we can go by invisibility cloak "

"I don't think so." I said as I took the bottle from his lips.

"Oh relax Cho… I wouldn't touch you with a barge pole."

I don't care… I don't care… I don't care 

"Look I am not drunk at all," he said quite seriously, "I am in fact pretending to be drunk."

And then he smiled. It was the dopiest drunken smile I had ever seen in my life. He was drinking from the bottle again. At the time I was thinking that if he drank anymore of that stuff his behaviour would worsen. So it took it away from him and let the last gulp of firewhisky flow into my mouth. My cheeks grow rosier and my eyes felt tired. It was like I was being enveloped by a nice warm bubble bath.

I almost didn't care anymore about how drunk Harry was… I was floating away up into the sky.

Suddenly he said excitedly, "Hey…..did you know my patronus is a stag and it's got hoofs that can trample you?"

I was watching the dusky gold colours paling in the bowl of the sky. "Yeah so what? Mine's a swan…A swan can break a human's leg just by flapping its wings."

He belched and staggered to his feet, got his wand out and pointed it into the sky, "I'm going to show you what my patronus can do…"

Harry pointed his wand swiftly into the air shouting, "Inspector Gadget!" …but nothing happened. He shook his wand "Why isn't it working Cho? I can defeat Voldermort when I'm a baby doing absolutely nothing but now I can't even say Eggpect a …Patronuas.."

"That's what it is..…remember Ex-pec-to-Pat-ron-us" I said making an extra effort to say it correctly and hoping he'd keep it in his mind.

He was readying himself and saying it under his breath.

"Expecto Patronum." His wand let out something white wiry and silvery.

"That wasn't very good." I said in his ear.

Harry was getting irritated but I wanted to help him make the best patronus ever so I took out my wand as well.

"Expecto Patrons" I said.

"Excpoecto copter" He said.

Soon we were both shouting at the top of our lungs, shouting into the lake and the mountains, into the cavernous caves and into the trees. Our voices rose and fell over the frozen lake and we kept on shouting unless we were almost breathless. But we kept on going…

We were shouting in the wind and then suddenly together we chanted,

'Expecto Patronum!"

Through both our wands…..out they came. In a heat of white light, a Majestic Stag came out running and along aside it was a graceful snow white Swan flying against the inky darkness of the night.

Harry and I sat down astounded at their beauty. Looking back I'm quite surprised we managed to do that whilst we were tipsy but our minds were empty and our hearts were happy.

"Hey…. where did the sun go?" said Harry gazing up at the starlit sky.

I fell on my back again to look at the stars, "I think all DADA lessons should be taught under the influence."

Harry was resting his head on the ground, "Yes. Bring in alcohol…to all lessons! Get Snivellus drunk and make him trip over his robes…then we can see his pants!"

"You want to see his pants?" I said.

"I've seen them "

"I'd see Dumbledores."

"WHY?'

"Cos he's a weird old man… he'd probably choose something quite quirky."

We heard footsteps ascending the hill. Ron and Hermione were coming towards us.

"Hey……look it's Ronerminey." Harry pointed at them excitedly.

"They're both drunk!" said Hermione, "I think we should give them a detention…we are prefects after all."

"Hermione we can't do that," said a sober-ish Ron looking at the empty bottle.

"You scared us you know that Harry?" she was speaking to him like he was a child, "Why were you doing the patronus spell?"

Harry was throwing his glasses around, "No Harry…" Hermione was running after him, "You need to see through these…stand still….Harry…"

I was lying on the floor trying to sober up. Hermione helped me up and then Ron picked up Harry.

"Get off…I'm a seriously dark wizard" said Harry, his arm around Ron's neck, "I can get this wand and do some serious mojo on all of you…oh Ron…Ron…why are you with Hermione? She always spoils the fun!"

"Uh dunno mate," said Ron helplessly shrugging at her.

Harry sidled up to her, "I'm sorry….forgive me oh and mind the nargles."

Hermione looked at Ron,"The what?'

"Nargles!" said Harry and then he left a wet kiss on her cheek. Hermione wiped herself and looked at Harry again.

Harry laughed and said, "Sorry Ron…it was only the cheek… I would never kiss her…. it would probably be like kissing your sister…not Ginny…but if Hermione was your actual sister…. I'm an only child you see so I don't know what kissing a sister would be like…how is it for you?…."

Ron pulled a face at him and Harry continued muttering, "I can't say Cho is like my sister…. but we could be adopted or something…I kissed her…she's like that…she's my Hermione…."

"Whatever you say Harry." said Ron.

I could hear Ron whispering to Harry, "Next time…share your firewhisky with me!" and then Harry answered in a high pitched voice, "I PROMISE"

Hermione led me back to the Ravenclaw entrance and luckily I was pretty sober by then. I found my way in the darkness and crawled into my own bed, my head crushed against the soft pillow and the warm feather duvet pulled around me. My eyes were closed and I remember wondering what on earth Harry meant behind the words…

'_She's my Hermione.'_


	6. Encounters of a different kind

**December 7th**

Marietta woke me up this morning by opening the curtains of my four-poster bed. I never knew morning light could be so harsh. I carried on dozing in my bed while the others went down for breakfast but I could still see the sunlight under my eyelids so it wasn't very relaxing. About half and hour later, the Grey Lady came gliding by. She's usually very serene and sweet but she doesn't like an idle Ravenclaw so she made sure I knew of her displeasure by throwing some pillows at me.

"Cho Chang, rise and shine!" she sang, 'Now get up before Professor Flitwick finds out.'

I looked out from under pillow and mumbled, "You won't tell...you're too nice."And then she did the most awful thing you could do and pulled the duvet away from me. A blast of cold air travelled up my body.

"You've got a meeting in the common room about your future," she said and then she glided through a stonewall to haunt someone else. I sat up in my bed. My mouth felt very dry. _Oh yes, Flitwick's lecture about the upcoming NEWTS and careers no doubt. _I hadn't really thought about my future too much. Not seriously anyway. I always thought there would be loads of time for that but now suddenly it's my last year at Hogwarts...Real life seems to be approaching so fast.

What am I going to do? Do I seek fame and fortune and become a Quidditch seeker? Oh the adulation...the money, the clothes...the magazine covers. I don't mind having that. But then I don't think Mum and Dad would approve of it. I know they would prefer me doing something...like tending to herbs, become a healer or even a mediwizard. They are all respectful jobs but dull as dishwater. I did toy with the idea of an 'Auror' because I'm quite good at DADA. I even mentioned this to Mum one day but she freaked out and said it was too dangerous. I don't know, Professor Flitwick said I had a good chance but er I can't seem to get the hang of stunning spells. I do have good enough grades to become a Healer but if I'm honest with myself I'm a bit scared really to make any decisions now.

**December 8th**

I bumped into Ron Weasley in the corridors and he thanked me for buying the firewhiskey from him and said he hoped we could all do it again sometime.

"What...that night didn't put you off drinking?" I said to him.

"No way and Harry agrees we should do it more often."

I had the sudden urge to ask Ron if Harry had said anything about me because at the moment every single sentence out of Harry's mouth has been bothering me. God knows the many hours I've spent analysing what he might have meant..

'_She's my Hermione'_

So here is what I listed that it could mean... I'm like his sister, or he likes me, which in turn could mean; he might be carrying a torch for Hermione or he used to...or am I like his equivalent of Ron's Hermione? Or am I just his good friend? Argh! The kiss of death. We all have magic wands but they can't solve things that involve the matters of the heart. I am so tired of dancing around words and feeling confused. I just wanted the truth. I wanted to ask Ron. But...I ...fell into an old habit and did this instead.

"So...I better go," I said pointing behind me, "I'm meeting Roger Davies in the library. He has some Head Boy things that he needs help on and I promised I'd help him...said he couldn't do the work without me. I'm not sure why he could have asked anyone really..."

"Oh," said Ron nodding along. I think he was just being polite.

"Plus Quidditch...we can talk about that as well...tactics..." I said.

"Well you might need them...we did beat you in the last game and you're a Tornados fan," he said with a sympathetic smile.

"Hey ...that's not fair...we lost because Harry had just told me," then I manage to stop myself when I remembered that day. I finished it off with, "Harry had said nothing."

"What did Harry say?" said Ron.

"Better get back to Roger...he's waiting for me," and then I realised I now had to go to the library, which was the opposite way I had been walking.

Of course I was hoping Ron would pass this on to Harry. It was my subtle way of seeing if Harry felt something for me. I tried this last year...yeah a complete failure.. but this year seems different so I'm doing it again. I don't think boys like it when you quiz them about their feelings. They get all clammy and they sweat about it. So I think I'm making this easy for him... if Harry was annoyed about Roger then I'd know that I was more than just a sister to him and I'd stop it. But if Harry said nothing then I would know...either way it would stop me from wondering. Not that I care...I mean I'm fine with being friends. It's just better to know really isn't it?

"By the way..." I said stopping Ron in his steps. My mouth seemed to open and the words were falling out of my mouth, "How does Harry feel about Hermione?"

"Er, friends...they're just _friends_," he said uncomfortably, "why?"

I smiled, "No reason," and then I felt my heart sink a bit.

_So maybe we are just friends after all._

Incidentally I did see Roger but in the common room. He seemed pleased to see me, and moved some books for me to sit down.

"I could do with a break. I'm can't see anything but green now that I've been looking at so many herbs." He shut the book he was looking at, clasped his hands together and said slowly, "I've got some bad news."

I just sat there waiting. He had his lips together and then said quietly," I've just quit the Quidditch team."

Before I could ask why he continued, "Head boy duties are really taking over my life and I think...I know I sound like a complete Mummy's boy but... It would disappoint her if I handed my Head Boy badge to someone else," he said.

"No...you can't... it won't be the same. We're such a good team!" I said.

"NEWTS, Quidditch and being Head boy is really hard. I can't cope with it at all. I'm not very academic so I need to concentrate a bit more." He sunk into the sofa and made himself more comfortable.

"I can't believe you're quitting. Quidditch is like your life." I said hugging the nearest cushion I could find.

"Well...look on the bright side. I get to work with along side head girl, Emily Sawbridge of Hufflepuff." He had this weird glazed look in his eye when he was thinking about her.

Emily Sawbridge is quite formidable character. Apparently one of her ancestors killed a troll in a river or something, which explains a lot about her personality. Sometimes she comes across as too aggressive though and not a lot of people like that but she does make a good Head girl and is probably a good match for Roger as well. He seems to like her so I don't feel so bad about turning him down last year.

**December 10th**

I had an infuriating encounter with Malfoy on the pitch this morning. The new schedule for next year's matches was up. So of course Malfoy had himself draped over the board so I couldn't see anything. I had to physically push him so I could read what was going on.

I don't think he likes people. How could he? He wonders around Hogwarts with his cronies and insults anyone who isn't in Slytherin. He does not respect anyone that is not himself... although he hadn't been so bad this year...I do believe he was keeping a low profile this year though trying to save face after his father was sent to Azakban.

Anyway I was trying to read the message on the board. Malfoy stood in front of me pretending to stare dreamily into space and then turned to me, "Life and treasure shall he command..."

Then he was smiling at me in way that I thought wanted to provoke rather than charm me.

"What?" I snapped.

He was looking at his nails and pretending to pick lint out from his clothes, "Oh nothing just thinking about something."

I folded my arms, "Well that must be hard for you."

"Not really," He was looking at me quite hard "I think you know what I'm trying to say."

"Did you write that love poem yourself or did mother dearest do it for you?" I said.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He said mysteriously.

"Well...I supposed you're going to tell me?" I said, leaning against my broomstick.

"No...I'm just going to tease you with it," he said with a knowing smile.

I remember thinking I'd rather go throw myself off a flying broom than indulge in any flirtatious banter with him.

"I hope you're not flirting with me!" I said quickly.

He was trying to pick the mud from under his boats and then he looked up at me again and raised his eyebrows, "Maybe I am..."

I started looking at the board again, "Well don't... You should be with your girlfriend...Pasty is it?"

"Pansy." He growled, "It's Pansy..."

I don't really understand Malfoy at all. I'm not even sure if he's human. He has always been this silly boy who is always up for a fight. He doesn't change. He won't change. He wouldn't know how to...

"So where's your boyfriend Potty? Out being a stupid idiot?" His big hand covered the paper I was reading.

"Oh that's very witty of you...and he's not stupid"

He whispered in my ear, "Purebloods should stick together!"

I shot him the iciest look I could give him. People like him make me so angry. When I step into both worlds and compare the wizarding world to the muggle world...or even just a small part of the world like a country or a town. I realised that we're all the same. No matter where you are there will always be a war between "us" and "them."

Draco was stalking around me, "You know you are of pureblood! It's just wrong to be with that filthy muggle mudblood...it's disgusting."

He said with a nasty snarl, "And what's worse there are so many purebloods out there and you go ahead and chose filth"

"You're disgusting." I said, "And don't you dare call him filth."

"Cho, you should be ashamed. The Mudblood filth will wipe us all out," He said.

The sheer audacity! My mouth dropped open, "I would never be ashamed of Harry! And I'll have you know that I'll choose whoever I want to be with."

I moved his hand so I could read the messages on the board and try my best to ignore him.

"Hmph!" He began walking away and left me with a parting message, "All your genes were used on your looks...but left you nothing for brains"

GRRRRR...

As I watched Draco flounce away I realised that hadn't even bothered to correct Draco when he said Harry was my boyfriend. I also remembered how I wanted to make Harry jealous earlier this week and then I remembered all the times I was trying to convince myself that I didn't care how Harry felt about me. But I can't lie to myself anymore. I really do like Harry and I'm not even going to bother to try and deny it. Well I won't in my diary. I hate myself for having this crush on him. It feels so pathetic and terribly ...unrequited.


	7. Green eyes

**December 11th**

We're almost about to break up for the holidays. Didn't see Harry yesterday. I want to though because I bought him a small xmas present. It's a new snitch to practise with.

Marietta and I went out with Michael to the Hogshead again and he brought along Roger and Emily Sawbridge. She looks a bit like the female version of Roger but perhaps more fierce looking. I can't be sure exactly what attracts him to her. She has thick eyebrows, mousy brown hair, which is always scraped so tightly to her scalp you can't help but think her eyeballs might pop out one of these days. On her face she wears these thick-rimmed glasses...you always see her peer through them with these scrutinizing eyes.

I first saw her in the pub; she was in the corner engrossed in some book completely ignoring Roger. I guess beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. She looked up from her book, pointing her...well pointy nose at me.

"Who are you?" she said.

I extended my hand to her, "Er...I'm Cho...it's nice to."

"Emily Sawbridge. Head girl" She didn't bother shaking my hand.

I glanced at Roger, _how on earth did he manage to fancy her?_ Then Marietta, Micheal and Roger all left me so they could buy the drinks. Surely it doesn't take three people to carry them all?

I started to play with the place mats on the table trying to find something to talk about. Her shining head girl badge was glinting at me keenly, "So...how is it being Head Girl?" I said.

Emily looked proud, "Oh you know it's not that hard. I think it's my calling...being a leader. Organizing people and bossing them around."

I looked up, I'm surprised she would even refer to herself as a bossy boots. I thought it would be a safe bet to carry on talking about her V.I.P. status at Hogwarts.

"So...do you work well with Roger? I think he makes a good head boy," I said.

She leaned back into her chair and crossed her legs. "He's a bit of a meathead." She rolled her tongue over her teeth. It looked like she was picking food in between the gaps. Before I could defend Roger, they were all back with the drinks. Still he was practically salivating over her. Bit weird...it's not like him to be so...timid with a girl. Poor Roger. I don't think he has a chance in hell with her. I don't know if I should break it to him...I think I would rather know the truth. But maybe I should mind my own business.

**December 13th**

I was in the library making some notes and researching for my dissertation with Marietta. I think I was pulling books out from the "Charms" section and I saw Harry through the gap of books on the shelf. He wasn't alone. He was whispering to Parvati Patil about something and she was giggling at him. He didn't seem at all bothered by it. In fact he was smiling back at her, looking at her and being all handsome with his crooked tie and messy hair. I quickly put the book back and left the library as fast as I could. I hope it was just DA stuff.

I then spent the evening being really moody towards Padma. Well _she is _Paravati's identical twin. I couldn't help but compare myself to her. Paravati...so pretty, lovely big brown eyes, luxurious shiny dark hair, flat stomach, long lean legs, pert bum, cute nose, so perfect... She's quite popular with the boys now. You can tell because they all stare at her in manner which I can only describe as cow eyed.

And now in the library, Harry was staring at her in exactly the same way that all the other boys did.

That Parvati... I hate her!

**December 15th**

I've been trying to bump into Harry like we use to but he just isn't easy to find anymore. DA stuff...it has to be. It better be.

Malfoy is still being annoying...spouting stupid poetry that isn't even romantic. Not that I want romantic poems from him but if you're trying to impress someone with a poem...it should be.

He was following me into the Owlery, shouting "Oh the sleeper may _toss_ and turn."And he made the 'toss' sound a little lecherous and then he'd change his voice so it sounded different each time he said it. Then he said a lot of things about sleeping. The perv. I said nothing to him and went about my business, which didn't seem to discourage him.

He was leaning against the window ledge, his eyes patrolling the school grounds, "I don't understand people like you," he said to me, "you should be proud of the blood that runs in you because you have what a lot of people want...pure... wizard...blood."

He turned to me, "Don't you see that it's something that's part of your heritage...my heritage and the heritage of the wizarding world? We're a dying...we're dying a slow slow death and we should all be trying to stop it."

I gritted my teeth as I read my letters but I was listening to him... I found it hard not too.

"Where's your pureblood pride?" he said quietly. Then he took the letter from my hand and grasped my shoulder.

And then Harry came in...

He was standing by the doorway. I couldn't see his face because the sunshine was shining so brightly behind him. I looked at Malfoy and then snatched my letter away from him.

Malfoy let go of me and then brushed past Harry and whispered something to him before he left. Harry shot him a look and scowled.

"Give it a break Malfoy! and for your information. She's not my girlfriend!" he said fiercely.

Then the Blond peroxided git raised his eyebrows at me, "That's funny...because that's not what Cho says."

And on that note he left! ARGH! It wasn't as if I said Harry was my boyfriend. I just didn't deny anything but still...I was so mortified.

"He just does what he does best. Being a prat..." I said nervously.

"What did he mean?" he said.

"He's just trying to stir things up." I said but I felt the heat creeping to my face.

His hand went over his chest and exhaled rather deeply, "Phew!... that's good because for a second I believed him," and then to my horror...he laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Just the idea of you and me together again... can you imagine?"

_Well actually yes I can...four eyes!_

His laughter died down but he was still smiling. "Well that's life isn't it?"

"Yeah...too bad I guess," I said smiling back uncomfortably.

"I think it was better that it ended early," he said, "We were never going to be happy."

_That's not true... _

"Yeah" was the only thing I could say. Then I let out this stupid fake laugh, "We'd be fighting like cats and dogs."

Then he nodded. He had a letter in his hand and started tying it to Hedwig.

"Haven't really seen you since the Firewhiskey," he said.

There are just some moments when you want to be swallowed by the earth you're standing on. I was desperate to leave but I was also so desperate to convince him that he did in fact have feelings for me.

"Yeah...well I've been hanging out a lot with my friend...Roger...so," I said.

"Oh that sounds nice." He said pleasantly.

The jealousy seeds I had planted with Ron just hadn't grown one inch...not even the brief mention of Roger was enough to ignite jealousy from Harry. My desperate plan was failing before very my eyes. I just stood lamely not knowing what to do with myself.

"Well I have to go... so I probably won't see you for a while since it's the holidays." I said.

"Ok" He said to me still smiling.

I left the Owlery without wishing him a Happy Christmas.

I stormed up to the dorm and slammed the door. How dare he be so pleasant and lovely to me when I'm feeling so angry and hurt! I had to start packing my things because we're all leaving for the xmas holidays soon. I noticed Harry's present that I was supposed to have given him was still lying in my drawer. It was the snitch.

It reminded myself of that evening when we forgot about the lost snitch in the sky and our gorgeous silence together. I was so ignorant of how Harry felt about me but still I was so happy.

I wish I were back in that moment now, not knowing anything at all.

**December 29th**

Well... not much has been happening. At home celebrating Christmas with the family. Studying as always. Fun.

I kept in contact with the girls to see how they are doing and was trying to give some good advice to Roger. I can't seem to break it to him that Emily thinks he's a meathead because I know now that ignorance can be bliss.

Ok Harry was bothering me but I've decided I'm going to have to move on. I don't expect I'll hear from him at all during the holidays. He's probably off snogging Parvati anyway. Lucky cow...I mean...ok when I get back it will be fine. I'm De-Harrying myself right now.


	8. Toys

**January 6th**

Back from the holidays and a new term. Fresh start.

My new years resolutions

Study a bit harder, Decide on what job I want, Stop spending so much on clothes, Eat more veg, Forget about Harry

I've decided I'm staying away from Harry. It seems to be working because I haven't seen him around. I've been hanging out more with Roger...who is STILL going on about Emily. He can be such a bore sometimes. I always try diverting his attention by talking about Quidditch.

**January 10th **

Harry... haven't seen him...

**January 11th**

Harry who? Potter? Don't know who you're talking about.

**January 16th**

Bumped into Ron and Hermione, looks like she dragged him to the library.

I asked how Harry was... you know I was just being polite.

"Oh he's fine," said Hermione, "He's been rather busy though"

"Yeah...you could say that," snorted Ron.

I could see Hermione shooting him a look and then he stopped. She went over to a desk and started pulling out endless rolls of parchment. But Ron wasn't doing anything so we hid behind a row of books to talk.

"What do you mean by busy?" I said whispering.

"Oh...you know...stuff...secret stuff..." he picked of some random book and pretended to look at it,

"DA secret stuff?" I said.

"Well..."

"Hey guys," It was Harry. .

My stomach flipped.

"Oh Hi" said Ron, "I was just telling Cho how busy you are with things".

"Oh right." He said. He put his hands in his pockets and looked down at the floor.

_He looked so handsome today..._

Someone called out his name. It was that Parvati.

"I think this is what you were looking for," she said sweetly and handed an old book to him. It seemed like she held the book a fraction to long. She was teasing him with it...she was forcing him to look at her. The hussy. He finally won the book over and then she made him laugh. I felt terrible.

Her eyes were on him as he looked through her book.

"Yeah this is good...this is really good... I can't believe you found that information so quickly." He said excitedly to her, "Even Hermione didn't know where to look."

_I don't believe it...she did it...she has even dethroned Hermione the Great._

She peered from under her soft lashes, "Well the references you made helped a lot in my search... I dog eared a few pages for you; the ones I thought could lead to some new clues."

She took a step closer to him to turn the pages for him and I noticed how he had his sleeves rolled up...his bare skin brushing next to the soft skin of her own naked hand. I hated them both.

He looked up at her and smiled again, "This is really great," His eyes sort of twinkled and then I swear his gaze briefly dropped down to her perfect bare lips and then back to the book. I wondered who else he had been kissing during the holidays... and then Harry looked at me, then Parvati followed his gaze and then Ron did as well. I stood awkwardly. I realised I was listening to a conversation I wasn't supposed to be hearing so I made my excuses and left.

**January 17th**

It's ok being on my own if I didn't fancy anyone but...what I need is a de-lusting spell. I saw that on a muggle television show once... I tried asking around but the shopkeepers laughed and said they don't really exist. Stupid television.

I hate it but it's true. I just want to be with Harry.

**January 18th **

Snape surprised us with an exam on Potions. That was so lovely of him. BAH! Then Flitwick then made us all spring clean our dorms...he said it was good to pick things up for ourselves once in a while instead of leaving it to the house elves.

"_But the house elves love it we protested!"_

**January 19th**

It was another Hogsmeade trip and I decided to forget about Harry with Roger. We sat ourselves a little café. I think it's new...it looks like a muggle coffee shop with sofas and everything.

Roger was talking about his favourite subject...

"She's like an ice queen," he said to me, "I'm going to thaw her one of these days...I know it..."

"Emily this, Emily that...Can we just stop talking about Emily for once?" I said passing him his drink.

"Sorry...I can't help it...she's such a challenge." He sipped the froth from his coffee, "I like that in a girl and I really do think she's warming to me."

"I'm sick of love." I said.

Well I didn't love Harry. I'm not sure I know what that is... I think I might have been close to it with Cedric but of course I was never going to find out because You Know Who had other plans for us.

Roger put down his drink and put on a funny voice, "Oh...does ickle Cho like someone?"

"Maybe..." and then call it fate or just a bloody coincidence. Harry walked in with the DA. All of them. Paravati as well. She was standing right behind him giggling as usual. Harry nodded to me and I half smiled at him.

"Oh I see," said Roger following my gaze and then he put his arm around me.

"What are you doing?" I said. But I left his arm there. It felt quite nice and protective.

"You need to learn the art of ...making people jealous," he said looking at Harry sternly.

I laughed, "You know you are talking to the master of that school ...and it really doesn't work on him."

"He's an idiot." Roger barked, "Just forget about him there's plenty of other guys you could go out with."

I saw Parvati had sat herself next to him. Of course no one else on that table could see...but she was reaching for his hand underneath the table. I broke my gaze away by talking to Roger. I didn't want to watch Harry holding her hand...playing footsie...

"I just want to forget about it." I said.

Roger was looking ahead in the direction of the table where they were sitting, "Yeah it's probably for the best."

**January 20th**

I was a bit depressed last night so I told Charlotte, Tomasin and Marietta what had been happening with Harry and me. They were all really helpful and told me it's not worth crying over. Then Charlotte organised a little lunch picnic by the Hogwarts Lake to cheer me up. But us being Ravenclaws...it really turned into a study session.

I had my book open on my lap trying to read what I had been writing. Rough notes just aren't good for revising if you can't read them. Anyway we were all talking about the laws of house elves...yeah very interesting. Then Tomasin pointed out that Harry was coming in our very direction. They all sat there and stared at him...you know the really scary way that girls can be when they are in groups.

"Er..Cho can I talk to you for a minute?" he said looking at the scary girls.

"Sure what do you want?" I said.

"It's kind of important" I think he was distracted by the icy glares coming from everyone. Suddenly Marietta stood up and looked at Harry, "I'd rather not be here anyway. Come on girls"

So they packed up most of their things and left. Bit rude but never mind. He sat down on the ground with me.

"Do you remember when we did our patronus?' said Harry.

"Vaguely..." I said. "Why?'

"I just think you should keep practicing it."

"Ok." I smiled at him and turned back to my book, "Is that all?"

"Yeah just keep practising when you can. It's really important." He said.

"Ok." I said again and went back to my notes.

"Good. It's just...just be careful and tell your friends too even Marietta." He said.

"Ok." I said turning a page in my charms homework.

"Cho?" I could tell he was smiling.

"Yes Harry?"

"You and Roger make a really nice couple."

"Oh." I smiled again, "You know what that's not really any of your business."

He nodded, "I'm just happy that you found someone new who you're happy with."

"What like you and Parvati?" I wasn't planning on saying that...especially in that nasty tone of voice I used.

"Well that's none of your business." He said mimicking me.

Oh he infuriates me!

"OK then..." I said rummaging in my school bag for another book.

Harry leant against a tree and said happily, "Ok."

"So is Parvati your type of girl?" I said trying to be casual...

"I don't have a type," he said looking towards the lake again.

I picked up another book and pretended to look at it. "Sure you have a type...everyone's got a type.."

"What's your type then?' said Harry.

"I'm not into girls."

"Very funny...Type of guy." he said.

"None of your business." I said. I don't know what came over me but suddenly I said quite angrily, "I don't like you seeing Parvati!"

"Ok then I'll stop seeing her." He said smiling at me again.

"Ok." I said turning my attention back to my book.

"Ok."

What just happened?

My eyes were on the page but I wasn't reading any of the words. I looked up at him again. Harry was leaning against the tree with this _smirk_ on his face. His green eyes glinting in the sunlight.

Then it dawned on me...I'd been a pawn.

He was playing me at my own game!

He really had a lot of explaining to do.

I was so angry with him that I began shouting at him, "I can't believe you could do that to me...after al.."

He pointed his wand directly at me and said whispered "_Silencio."_

I felt my voice disappear into the air.

I was very aware of Harry then. As I watched him approach me I realised he was no longer that little boy who was afraid to ask me to the Yule Ball. He was so close to me. His eyes held mine for moment and then he leaned forward. I remember thinking to myself that I would allow him win this game and then we kissed. .

"Cho..." He said quietly.

I was leaning against his neck, "Yes Harry?"

"I don't want you seeing your fake boyfriend Roger anymore ok?"

I looked at him and a small smile tugged at the end of my lips, "OK then."

And then he kissed me again. It was then that I promised I would never be a slave to jealousy again...

What? No really.. I promise...

ok so maybe I can't make any promises...

But I'll try my very best.


	9. The Fantastic Mr Potter

**January 21st **

It's very early in the morning so I'm writing this in bed with the curtains drawn round me. I can't sleep. I keep spooling back what happened just hours ago - The perfect kiss. The perfect setting. The perfect timing. The perfect guy! I feel a bit faint now. I have all this energy I need to let out. Hang on, let me just scream into my pillow...

Ok I feel better. I should tell you what happened after the kiss. I need to remember this. Why? Because we need to tell the grandchildren this story! Ok I'm being silly...but details are always nice. I'm sure when I'm an old woman I'll want to look back and remember these kinds of things... like the butterflies I have and the sore cheek muscles I have gained from smiling too much.

So back to the kiss, we broke apart and we silently decided we should start walking back to the main school. It was little strange. Half not really knowing how to behave anymore. I mean of course we went out last year but now it seems like a whole new situation.

We fell into this pattern of glancing, and then smiling, and then one of us would look down or away, then glance again. I did that awful thing and kept giggling at him. It was just that I was so excited about being walked back by him and just being with him and knowing he felt the same way. He even took my _hand _into his. _I couldn't believe it. _He was holding my hand and more importantly...he was holding my hand without _freaking out. _

Harry said to me nervously, "I think it was better than the kiss under the mistletoe and the forest...it was...wasn't it? It was good? Well I thought it was..."

"The best kiss ever," I said reassuringly, "It was so good I wondered if you'd been practising with someone else."

I hadn't meant to sound jealous. That was just a joke.

"Only my pillow," he said grinning.

I could see the melting snow sparkle with ice.

"So, are you going to explain it to me eventually? This game of yours?" I said and then suddenly pointed at him, "And don't think you can get out of everything by just kissing me."

Our breath hung in the crisp winter air. His eyes were smiling, "Well...it all began with Ron."

I think I must have fixed my stare at him too fiercely.

"Calm down" said Harry, "he didn't give me the plan just the idea. He came to me and said he had bumped into you in the corridor. Acting funny. Apparently you asked him in a not very subtle way how I felt about Hermione and then kept going on about Roger..."

"Hey, I was making it so easy for you," My eyes narrowed a little, "I mean you can't even say what you feel or want most of the time ...I thought you might take the hint."

He squeezed my hand gently and then he began talking over me in this rather pompous sort of voice; "Last year I distinctly remember a conversation I had with Hermione about how the mind of a certain girl works."

He pointed his glance at me, "That's you! Anyway it was quite insightful...it was then that I deduced that...yes indeed...Miss Chang was up to her old tricks again and naturally... Mr Potter thought it would be quite funny to teach her a lesson. Being the intelligent Ravenclaw that you are... I thought you'd figure it out...but er... you didn't."

Oh he was really enjoying this.

I laughed. His voice relaxed and he continued, "Then I let Ron and Hermione into my plan. Hermione thought it was terrible and would have no part in it but Ron...he was quite willing to fan a few flames. Actually it was him who thought it would be a good idea to just nod and smile at you whenever you mentioned Roger."

Gosh that Ron is devious!

Harry had a far-off look in his eye and then he chuckled. "You were so bad at hiding your feelings for me."

"That's not true!" I said.

"You couldn't even say Merry Christmas to me!"

"No I..."

"Don't deny it Cho! ...It was written all over your face."

Am I that transparent?

Harry bent his head down to catch my eyes, "The more angry you got...the more I knew you liked me."

I couldn't help return all the smiles he was sending me. This intimacy we had discovered was divine.

"Ok...so I'll admit you're brilliant." I said turning to face him, "But there's one thing that you couldn't possibly fake... Paravati!"

Harry had this _oh really_ look on his face.

"I saw you two together... Did you pay her or something?"

He grinned, "No we're just friends. Although I found out she had a crush on me on the day we went to the café."

"But you were looking at her...all googly eyes."

"I think jealous people see what they want to see."

"But you held her hand back in the café..."

"No I didn't. I pushed her hand away." He said quite seriously.

"Oh...but..."

"And when I saw Roger put his arm around you...and you did nothing to remove it. I realised the game was getting too dangerous. I had to stop it."

"Ah ha..." I said triumphantly, "Is the score one all now?"

Harry's voice whispered softly into my ear, "No more games!."

We were walking up the heavy stone steps, leading through the grand hall of Hogwarts and finally stopped at the entrance of the Ravenclaw common room. Students were filing out and heading off to their lesson. Their presence signalled that our time together had come to an end. But I wasn't ready to finish. I was terrified that maybe we'd slip back into our old selves and have to forget what had just happened between us.

Harry lifted his eyebrows and dug hands deep in his pockets trying to think of something to say so I gave him one last lingering kiss and left him reluctantly at the door.

I think must have taken all the stairs two by two to get back to the dorm. I was bursting to tell someone and lucky for me all the girls were sitting there on my bed waiting patiently. They had the biggest grins on their faces. Apparently they'd been staring out of the windows and had witnessed our reunion. But their eager ears wanted to learn of the story behind the kiss. I knew I would have to work my magic on them and it seemed to do the trick.

They all love Harry now!

Well except Marietta

But the good news is that...

She now finds him 'tolerable.'

**January 22nd **

I wonder how I can meet up with Harry more often...I can't rely on just chance meetings with him anymore. I'm not sure that's what I want. No I definitely don't want that. Hopefully I'll see him soon.

I went to the Quidditch practice. Need a bit of relief to take my mind of impending NEWTS. Typical Slytherin Quidditch team were trying to invade our practise time. The captains were arguing and decided to get a teacher to sort it out.

Malfoy was back to his old poetry readings. I don't listen to what he's saying anymore. You need an old Latin dictionary to understand what he's going on about most of the time. It's all very boring.

His ice blue eyes narrowed and he kicked the perfect pitch grass under his feet, "I can't believe you and him."

"Is this about Harry?" I said fixing my wrist guards on, "because if it is...it's none of your business."

"Of course it is. Weren't you listening to what I said last time?" He made an annoyed clicking sound with his tongue, "I don't understand why you won't help your own kind."

"Because Draco...there is no kind. I'm sure we're all a mix of everything...how can you be so sure that you're so "pure" anyway?"

His furious eyes burned, "The Malfoy ancestral line is famous for its pure blood. My father said so. "

"Oh your father? The one in Azakban?." I turned away and tried talking to my fellow teammates but they were all still arguing with the other Slytherins.

"We have a Quidditch match against each other soon." He said menacingly, "and I'm looking forward to it."

Professor Snape had swept onto the pitch alongside Professor Flitwick and into the squabble of irate Quidditch players.

"Alright..alright." Professor Flitwick scuttled around to the bickering crowd, "Calm down! It seems there was a double booking of the pitch...so...I thought why not have a friendly match now...that way you can both practice at the same time?"

"Professor Flitwick," said Snape, "I would not advise that. I'm sure you have better things to do than play referee...I know I do." He looked coldly at the Ravenclaw team. The crowd began shouting again in outrage, broom held high in the air, protesting. NO! IT'S OUR TIME. IT'S OUR PITCH. WHERE'S MADAME HOOCH?

But I stopped caring about Quidditch and whose turn it was. I had an uneasy feeling in the back of my mind...I looked up and I could see amongst the sea of blurred angry faces, the mysterious Malfoy alone and silent.

I was troubled.

He was looking at me.

I could feel it.

The touch of his pale eyes blazing darkly at me.


	10. Hide and Seek

**January 24th **

Finally caught up with Harry in the Great Hall. Dating outside your house can be quite prickly sometimes. I mean... where do you sit? With your fellow Ravenclaws or with your boyfriend? Did I just say boyfriend? I think I did.

We made a compromise and sat nearer Harry's friends for today. I was telling Harry that perhaps we should try and arrange meeting times via the Protean Charm...like with those coins we used for the DA. But he had a much better idea in store for me.

"I've got a surprise for you." He whispered to me.

He carefully pulled something out of his school bag and placed it into my open palm. It was a little round compact with a silver mirror inside it. I stared blankly at it.

"It's a two way mirror," he took another one out and clicked it open, "I figured we could use it. I've got one and now you have one...they're a bit like walky talkies from the Muggle World except that you can see and hear me whenever you want."

I watched the grey cloud smoke unfurl in the glass. Slowly Harry's face emerges from beyond it. I waved to him even though he was standing right in front of me. He waved back.

"I didn't even know these existed." I said marvelling at it.

"Neither did I until Sirius gave me one last year but I ...smashed that one. I wasn't in a very good mood that day." He looked a little sad but quickly his eyes were bright again, "But look now we can talk whenever we want."

I sighed and started playing with my food, "It's kind of romantic don't you think?"

He rolled his eyes at me, "Cho..."

"Well it is... we can have midnight talks... I can say goodnight to you ...This is so sweet."

"Well I think about you..." Harry noticed Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan sniggering at him so he added a quick, "sometimes."

He smiled and pocketed his own mirror away.

"Shall I prolong your agony a bit more and give you a thank you kiss?" I said raising my eyebrows at him.

He turned round to check if Dean and Seamus were staring. They weren't.

"Ok...but hurry!" He leaned forward and I planted a brief kiss on his lips.

And then we were back to normal. It wasn't like we wanted to keep it a secret but I am aware that I'm probably Harry's first girlfriend...well I don't think he's been with anyone else since last year...anyway I think the whole idea of relationships are completely new to him and so he is self conscious about everything. I don't mind though.

"OWL POSTS" someone shouted from one of the tables, "WATCH OUT!" All eyes darted to the ceilings and watched as a flurry of owls dived down towards the tables.

A Daily Prophet fell into Harry's hands. The headline read – _Wizard Disappearances and Violence Rises. You Know Who back at work?_

Hermione grabbed it from under his eyes. She was scanning the paper rapidly, "Department of Magical Law Enforcement reports the numbers of missing wizards and OPEN wizard on muggle violence has gone on the rise... ... Wizarding community ...alarmed."

She looked up, "This is what happened when You Know Who's first rose to power...according the DMLE it's all under control but I don't believe this at all."

There were always too many conflicting reports and then denials that I never knew quite what to believe anymore so. I had given up on newspapers for a while...She threw the paper towards Harry, I wasn't sure but I thought I could that her eyes were on the brink of tears, "This is it you know..."

Ron touched her arm, "The Ministry will do everything in their power to protect the people."

"Don't be so naïve Ron,...this is different." She said looking quite fearful at Harry. But he continued eating his lunch quite calmly.

"Harry... we're running out of time." she said trying to pull his plate away from him.

"Don't you think I know all this?" Harry put his fork down, "I know...but there's not a lot we can do except keep looking."

"What do you mean?" I said trying to make eye contact with him, "Are you in some kind of trouble?"

"It's nothing," he sipped his drink, "Now let's back and enjoy our lunch."

I looked at Hermione and Ron and from what I could see they didn't seem happy at all.

**January 25th **

I'm so glad the curtains for my bed are so thick... Why? Because I spent a large portion of last night talking to Harry using his two-way mirror it must have been about midnight when I flicked open the mirror and started talking into it.

"Harry? Are you there?... Or are you asleep?... I'm so sorry if you are..go back to sleep sorry...I wasn't thinking..."

Harry's face appeared in the little reflection of the mirror, "I'm awake."

I could tell he must have been drifting off at least. He already had bed hair and he wasn't wearing his glasses.

I just wanted to hug him right then.

"Nice stripy pyjamas!" I whispered quietly.

"Hey you can talk," he said, "what about that birds nest attacking the back of your head?"

"I'm sorry for waking you up...but you did buy this thing for a reason."

He rubbed his eyes and leaned on his elbow, "You just want to have that midnight talk...then you are going to tell all your friends and squeal about it in the morning."

"You know me so well." I said.

Then we talked about all sorts of nonsense for an hour. Then I asked him...I guess it's quite a typical girl question but I always like to know...

"Harry... When did you realise that you liked me again? In the girlfriend sense..."

He sighed, "Do I have too?"

I flashed him a look.

"Ok ok...well after last year I didn't know really how I felt about anything. Including you. I mean...I know I loved the idea of you. But you were just an idea. I never expected that something would happen. And when it did... it wasn't what I was expecting...it was kinda horrendous."

Not exactly the sweeping romantic epic I was expecting, "It wasn't that bad... we had good times...didn't we?"

"Come on...I didn't know you at all. I didn't understand you. I mean we talked and stuff but...there were so many things that were happening and you just seemed to get lost under it all. But then after Sirius died. Something changed...When we first talked to each other... at first I thought, maybe I just wanted to see you because I was grieving and I knew you would understand. And when we eventually did talk you made me forget about the bad things. It was like you were showing me that maybe life really could get better...even after death. But then it dawned on me...it was even more than that...I think it was when Marietta found out... I realised I still wanted to keep seeing you and no one was going to get in the way. Not if I had anything to do with it."

I felt a warm glow buzzing around my heart.

"Then on firewhisky day. It was just one moment...you put my coat on for me and I remember thinking that I wanted to count all the freckles on your nose and that I should do it now otherwise I'll never get that chance to do it again. Then I made sure I smiled at you. I did it so many times that night so you'd know I liked you again but you looked at me like I was really stupid."

"I'm so sorry!" I said laughing into my duvet, "but you were really drunk."

"Yeah so" he began mumbling, "I hope I don't have to keep convincing you...you know..."

"Yeah I know." I said to Harry, "I know exactly what you mean."

"ARGH!" he shouted suddenly. I couldn't see what was going on in the mirror.

"Harry what's wrong?" I said.

There was a moment of silence. But then I heard him...he chuckled faintly...

"Nothing...got a bit of a fright... it was just Ron telling me to shut up and go to sleep."

"Alright I better let you go then." I said sleepily.

"Yes...see you." He said.

I pulled the duvet up around me, "Goodnight Mr Potter."

And then I heard him say quickly, "Goodnight Miss Chang!"

I yawned, closed the two-way mirror and let my head fall back softly against my feather pillow.

**February 4th**

So I've been quite tied up studying again for NEWTS. That's all I seem to be doing these days so it was a nice surprise to see that Harry was also in library too. He had himself hunched over a big dusty book. I couldn't resist trying to creep up and give him a fright.

"What are you doing?" I said quite loudly. He jumped and then his hand fell against his chest and breathed heavily.

"Don't do that!" he said laughing. I sat myself down next to him and looked the book he was reading. I don't remember what it was but it seemed quite advanced stuff for a 6th year student. I certainly didn't recognise any of it from last year.

My finger traced down the page,"What's...Occul…."

But Harry shut the book firmly, "It's nothing...I'm just trying to find something for my homework but it's not on this page...so I guess I'll have to keep looking."

"What is it? Maybe I could help you." I said.

He started standing up and packing the book away into his bag, "Nah...I'm a bit bored of doing it actually... hey do you want to go look at the Giant Squid? I heard it had babies."

My eyes lit up, "Aww that's so cute...ok let's go."

We had sat ourselves by the edge of the lake... Harry had his arm around me to keep me warm from the cold.I think we spent a couple of minutes trying to catch a glimpse of them but the water is so deep and murky that we gave up very quickly.

We spotted Draco Malfoy walking with Crabbe and Goyle. He gave us a really dirty look and kept just walking.

"He's just jealous," said Harry angrily.

"No I don't think that's it." I said.

"Draco may be an idiot but he knows a pretty face when he sees one," said Harry.

That made me smile. I turned to Harry and looked at him thinking about how much I wanted to see him without his glasses again so I took them off his face. His eyes were straining to see me.

"How bad is your vision?" I said holding the lenses in front of my eyes.

"I guess it must be hereditary," said Harry, "My dad wore glasses..."

I put the glasses onto my own face and looked at him.

He laughed, "I wish I could actually see what you look like. I bet you look stupid."

I took them off quickly and handed them back to him, "Why don't you go for a crazy pair like the ones Rita Skeeter wears?"

Gosh, he had nice eyes. Not that I hadn't noticed before but now I could see them more clearly. They were startlingly green like tiny pieces of sparkling jade. Then I noticed he was staring at me.

"What?" I said.

"You do realise it's your last year don't you?" he said.

"Yes." I shifted uncomfortably, "Doesn't mean we have to stop seeing each other."

"Of course not. It's just that... I'll miss this."

"Don't talk like that." I said fitting myself under the snug of his arm.

We relaxed and then we kissed for a while. Suddenly out of nowhere he pushed away from me violently. I fell back onto my hands. What had I done?

He had his back turned to me but he was clutching his head. I could see his face now, grimacing with pain.

"Harry?" I said shouting, "Harry, what wrong?"

His eyes were tightly shut.

"Harry say something to me!"

He was still and quiet but his eyes were open and tortured. I pulled his hands gently way from him. I could see his brow was glistening with sweat so I brushed away his hair and then I saw what had been hurting him...

It was the silver scar

The bolt of lighting...

The Mark of You Know Who.


	11. The Shunning

**February 5th**

I don't know what's going on with Harry. That day... it was like he was in a daze as he got to his feet.

"Harry are you ok?" I said as placed my hand onto his back. I thought he might fall or something.

"Is it your scar?" I said quietly.

"NO!" His forehead wrinkled as he rubbed it gently, "It's just a headache."

"I don't believe you." I said picking up his forgotten belongings on the floor.

He turned to me with his eyes narrowed, "Well it is..."

Then he started walking away so quickly that I had to half jog just to keep up with him.

"Come on, I'll take you to Madame Pomfrey...she can sort you out with a healing draught." I said as I fell in step with him.

"No... it will go away...trust me." He said gently, "It's probably due to stress or something."

"You're stressed?"

We stopped walking. He tucked a lose strand of my hair around my ear and smiled, "No I'm really happy."

"Well then you're not stressed." I took a step back trying to figure him out. He took his belongings from my hands and then he leaned forward tracing round the shape of my lips with his own.

"Got to go to lessons now," he said motioning back to the Gryffindor Tower.

As I stood there watching him disappear through the doors of Hogwarts, I realised there was still a gulf of secrets standing between us. It made me determined to find out what secret he was hiding.

I thought the best place to start was to seek out either Hermione or Ron. They'd know but would they tell me? Later that afternoon, by chance I passed Hermione in the library I asked her about these supposed 'headaches' that Harry was suffering from.

"I don't know," she said hugging her books tightly, "Harry does have severe migraines sometimes. He doesn't like to take medication for it...he prefers to heal the natural way."

I crossed my arms and I could see her eyes darting about searching for a real answer.

She shook her bushy hair away from her shoulders, "It's up to Harry what he tells his friends."

"Great thanks." I said huffily, "It's just...that he's hiding so many things from me."

And then I stopped. I didn't want to tell Hermione all this. I barely knew her. So I smiled at her and then marched quickly to the refuge of the common room. I plonked myself into the plush blue sofa and pulled out some homework that I hadn't quite finished the other day.

I dipped the quill into some thick black ink; my hand was hovering over the blank sheet. It must have been well over five minutes later when I looked down to see the ink was bleeding like a river into the parchment.

I hadn't scratched in a single word.

I couldn't stop thinking.

It didn't matter how much Harry said he cared about me or how much I really cared about him... for there would always be a part of him that would always be a mystery to me.

And then it dawned on me.

Harry didn't trust me.

**February 6th**

Earlier this evening Harry was calling me from the two-way mirror. He wanted to go "get lost" in Hogwarts. So I finished up all my homework (well most of it) and we started taking random staircases to anywhere. We leaped off the changing stairs, looked at a few of the pictures and listening to their stories.

"I'm not even sure I've really seen the whole of Hogwarts," I said to him as we were walking across a random corridor.

"Yeah the place is so big... there must be so many secret rooms in here...undiscovered," he said sliding his hand against the wall. Then he raised his eyebrows at me, "Hey do you remember the Room of Requirement?"

I turned away smiling at the floor, "Yes...why?"

"I think it's empty." He said looking around. We came across the familiar staircase and then we could see that the Room of Requirement was lurking beyond the doors up ahead. I looked at him and then he looked at me. I had no idea what was going through his mind. Had he been leading me to that room from the very beginning?

We stepped inside the entrance and I reached blindly for the light. It looked like it had been used for a recent DA session. There were pillows everywhere, writing scrawled on the blackboard and tables and chairs had been set out.

Harry shut the door. Then he took out his wand from the back of his pocket and pointed it at me.

"I think you need testing," he said.

"What kind of testing?" I said suspiciously, turning a few books over to see what they have been learning.

"Come on Cho...get your wand out," he said poking me lightly.

"I'm not going to duel with you," I said laughing, "I could really hurt you."

He placed his hand over pages of the book I was looking at, "Oh really? Come on...let's do something easy...like a stunning spell."

I shot him a look.

"You know very well I can't stun people." I said closing the book softly on his fingers.

"Yes you can," he said pointing his wand at me now, "sometimes you can be very good at stunning...even without a wand."

"I see you've been getting quite good at Charms." I said.

I took out my wand and pointed it at him. It was like a proper wizards duel. We stood at different ends of the room, did the ceremonial rituals and bowed to each other.

"Ok... wands ready!" he shouted from his corner.

I shouted, "_Impedimenta_," which caused a fast light to shoot out from my wand and hit him in the stomach. He didn't even try to resist but unfortunately for him he had missed the pillows and fell flat onto the floor.

I was laughing. Sorry... but it was funny.

"Harry are you ok?" I said trying to move him somewhere a bit more comfortable. He moved his eyeballs a bit. He was so helpless that I couldn't help but take advantage of this situation.

I'm not sure when the spell wore off but eventually Harry rolled up onto his feet again, "That was pretty good...but... you... need to make sure it's a direct hit...more direct...like here." He was pointing higher up at his chest, "Maybe try and wind them at the same time so mobility is more difficult for your enemy."

"Yes Professor Potter!" I said coming back onto my own feet.

He walked over to a cupboard and started pushing it towards me, "Ok let's try the Patronus."

"I can do that," I said.

"Well there's no harm doing it again,"

"This Professor Snape seduction thing doesn't work for me." I said folding my arms.

"Is that what you think I'm trying to do?" Harry said laughing at me.

"No." I said half smiling, "of course not...no don't be silly..."

He was taking some keys out and unlocking the doors, "You need boggarts to do this seriously."

I stood there watching him with little enthusiasm.

"Come on Cho. This is important to me," he said. "If everything else fails," He started waving something in front of my face, "I have chocolates!"

"Oh you should have said that in the first place!" I said sighing but still I took out my wand out. I readied myself thinking about what made me really happy.

Harry opened the cupboard door, and I knew would come out. Something like death. Yes Death was coming and would try to claim everything that mattered to me_ again. _Yes...I could feel death was near...it was close...so close.

_What made me happy? What made me happy? I have to empty my mind to nothing...I have no bad memories...just good ones...and I'm saving them for me only...no one else._

I was trying to figure it out...but then I knew what it was...well I knew who it was... I could see him standing beside the boggart...smiling.

"Expecto Patronum." I shouted.

Swiftly the Swan was flying out of my wand; beating its mighty wings. Soon we found ourselves surrounded by a halo of white light and then the boggart was gone.

"Wow you did that really well." He said looking a bit windswept, "Pretty quick too."

To be fair I had practised this so many times before. But it was always alone...at home... or in my mind. It was something I was strict about. I had to be. Maybe I couldn't defend myself against You Know Who but at least I could try fight off his soldiers. I swore I would know how protect my family and myself because in my old state...the tragic Cho...I knew she wouldn't stand a chance against a Dementor. Her own sad memories would break under their spell.

"Can I have the chocolate now?" I said.

He handed me one and I ate it.

"Just keep practising all this." He said to me, "I think I'd be happy if I knew you were..."

I stared at him. He was going to tell me something. Something important...it was going to be a revelation. Something about You Know Who. ...Something about his scar...It was going to be something! It was...Suddenly Harry hopped off the desk and took my hand, "Hey... maybe we should go before someone sends out a search party for us."

ARGH! Harry ...Why must you torture me?


	12. Chinese Whispers

**February 7th**

It was such a nice day today. The sun was finally making a break from behind the cold clouds of winter, the grass was singing with rainwater and a slow relaxing breeze was blowing. Maybe Spring is coming early this year.

So aside from Harry being really private about certain things in his life, my life seems back to normal. If I'm not spending time in the library revising for NEWTS then I'm trying to get away from it all in the Quidditch pitch (or I'm with Harry). I'm glad we have such enthusiastic players here, there's always someone over there that wants to play or practice. But today wasn't one of those days. Seeker practice is a little harder to do by yourself so I decided I would sit myself down on the substitutes bench and clean my broom stick instead.

I chatted a little with Ron Weasley there. He was walking up towards me with his muddy boots slung over his back and a broomstick in his hand. He nodded to me with a small smile and then started whacking his boots against the bench I was sitting on. Dry chunks of mud were breaking off the heels.

"So are you ready for your match against Slytherin?" he said.

WHACK! The boot struck against the bench again.

"Well yeah I guess I am," I said shouting over the muddy din, "It's in three days time so I'll have to be ready whether I like it or not."

He put his boots down and carefully began inspecting his broom and started talking about Quidditch again. I guess it's like our safe topic. I mean what else can we have lengthy conversations about?

"I heard that the Tornados aren't at the top of the league table anymore," he said with a laugh.

I tried to swat him with my cleaning cloth, "Hey, leave the Tornados alone... anyway you can talk, what about the Chudley Canons?"

"The Tornados couldn't even score in their last game,' he continued.

I passed him some of my Mr Magic broom cleaner to him, "Well the Canons took 2 days to finish theirs...so..."

"So we're even I guess." He said opening the can. We both grinned and went back to tending our brooms.

My thoughts ran back to Harry for a moment. I found myself struggling not to mention my fears about him to Ron. You see Harry lives in a world of Chinese whispers. We all know he has adventures every year but most of the time I can never extract the truth from fiction. Someone once told me that in his second year he fought something like a dinosaur that was roaming the halls of Hogwarts. I think I would have known if something like that was walking around the school...don't you?

"So how's Harry?" I said finally.

Ron's back seemed to tense a little. Then he slowly put down him broom and rested it against the wall, "You know I promised him I wouldn't say anything."

I sent him a quiet glance asking him to explain himself further.

His light brow frowned, "Listen I know this is probably really annoying to you but you'd understand completely if you knew the whole truth."

"How would you like it if Hermione kept secrets from you?" I said with a sudden sharpness in my voice.

"Well this isn't about Hermione or me. This is about you." He sighed heavily and then glanced at me, "Do you trust Harry?"

"Of course I do."

"Well then trust his judgement," he said simply.

I started scrubbing my broom a little harder. I felt as if anything I said would have just turned into a seething verbal attack. And it's not Ron's fault really...what could he do about it?

"Cho," said Ron, "The more you don't know, the safer you are, the happier everyone can be. Just leave it...I mean if you want to be with Harry you have to stay out of his business and you will do what he says. It really is in your best interests that you don't know anything. Trust me."

I gave him a small grateful smile and replied, "You really are a good friend to him."

"Yeah," he said quietly and continued scrubbing his broom.

It wasn't very detailed information but it was something my mind could hold onto for now.

A flash of red hair dashed past us in a hurry. We both looked up. It was his little sister Ginny.

"Oi Ginny!" Ron shouted to her.

"What?" she said, stopping abruptly in her steps.

"Don't what me," said Ron.

She rolled her eyes and came walking towards us.

"Hey Cho," said Ginny, "Haven't seen you in a while."

We hadn't really talked a lot since the Quidditch match last year where she beat me to the snitch. I'm not bitter about that...not really...well maybe a little. I am a seriously competitive Quidditch player. I can't help the way I feel.

"Cho's going out with Harry now." said Ron casually.

"I kinda noticed," she said with her eyes bright, "Congrats. He's a nice guy."

Ron sort of shifted uncomfortably in his seat, "Not as nice as some _other_ guys."

She scrunched her freckled nose at him and then turned to me, "Oh don't mind Ron he's got it into his thick head that I still have a crush on Harry but you know..."

Her brown eyes flickered towards a figure in the distance. "I'm over it," she said with a open hearted smile.

"Come on Ginny!" shouted the figure. I recognised that the voice belonged to Dean Thomas of Gryffindor. Ginny quickly bade us goodbye and then we watched her slip her hand into Dean's as they walked off together back to the main school. I remember thinking how relieved I was that she was over Harry. Not that I could blame her really. He is irresistible.

I heard Ron scowling after them, "No matter how much she says she's a grown up. She's not. She's just a kid."

I guess that he'll still feel the same way about all her boyfriends...even when's she's hobbling around in a zimmer frame. Family is family after all. You always want to look out for them, which reminds me...It's been one month since I last saw or even heard from my own family. They don't even know I'm going out with Harry yet. I think I should write them a letter and send it tomorrow.

I should...but Mum and Dad have always been funny about the boys I've dated. Most of the time I don't mention them if I can get away with it maybe I should keep it that way. I definitely remember not mentioning Harry to them the first time since he was my first boyfriend right after Cedric. I didn't want to have to answer any questions at the time. I'm not entirely sure how they would react now. I can picture their faces now. We're in the kitchen. Dad's frying something in the pan and Mum is complaining about work. I'm edging nervously by the door.

_Me: Er...Mum...Dad...I'm going out with Harry Potter._

_Dad: What THE Harry Potter? He's famous you know._

_Mum: Wah...I'm calling your Ah Ma! she will be so proud._

Or on the flip side...this could happen...

_Me: Er...Mum...Dad...I'm going out with Harry Potter._

_Mum: EE yer...What do you mean going out? _

_Dad: That boy with the scar, that boy that You Know Who is chasing after year after year? You chose him? I don't want you seeing him._

Oh I don't know if I can pick up my quill just yet...I could let them live in an ignorant bliss for just a while longer.

**February 8th**

I finally got myself into order and wrote the letter back to the family although I found myself missing out the parts about Harry. I'm such a chicken. I know. But at least I posted something to let them know I was alive.

A funny thing happened actually while I was on my way to the owlery. I could see in the distance that Malfoy was walking in front of me. I was about to turn back to avoid him. But then I changed my mind again because I thought that I shouldn't let him intimidate me. So I continued my journey to the Owlery. However in the back of my mind I was preparing myself with some sort of verbal defence should he attack me with his usual 'pleasantries'.

The funny thing is once I got inside the owlery and looked round... he wasn't there anymore. It could have sworn it was him. Maybe it was a ghost or maybe I need my eyes tested.

Afterwards I met up with Harry. He was trying to give me some advice for the Slytherin Vs Ravenclaw match, which was to start in the afternoon. None of it really helped. Bless him.

Let's fast forward to the match itself. I'm hovering in the air high above the spectators, scanning for that glint of golden in the sky.

"Chang" said a voice from behind.

I looked over my shoulder. It was of course Malfoy, casting his watchful eye across the same sky.

"Save your breath," I said. I could feel his gaze burning on my face.

"Come on Cho...don't be shy with me." He said reaching over the space between us. I could feel the space was now getting smaller by the second. I kept my eyes in the sky. Then I felt his hand brushed under my chin, "Soon you will know the charm of this glorious hand."

Disgusted, I swiped his hand forcefully away from me and made a turn somewhere else.

"If you think you can win me over with more ridiculous poetry then you've got another thing coming." I said.

He smiled, "So I have a chance if I tried something else?"

A tantalizing sparkle of gold flew swiftly past us.

Our eyes briefly locked.

Then in a roar of wind I speed off into the sky, feeling the full force of the cold air currents quivering over my skin. I could hear the roar of crowds ringing in my ears as I made a steep dive into the stands.

I could sense that Draco was pursuing me through the rushes of air.

My hands fought blindly through the explosion of gold diamonds. I reached forward... the flutter of the golden wings feathering against my fingers.

My open hands were stretching for it.

_If only my arms were longer..._

But suddenly the end of my broom dipped under the force of what must have been Malfoy's foot. I lost control of my broom and went spinning fast into the spectators tower. I heard the crowd scream and the creak of the splintering wood breaking under my weight. My broom was no longer with me. Soon I was tumbling in the air trying to catch on to anything...

The world was spinning and I couldn't stop it.

I closed my eyes and prepared myself for the fast fall down.

I felt the impact as I fell onto the ground. My body broken. The Slytherin stands were rumbling with joy. I could feel a busy crowd of people bustling around me now but I wouldn't open my eyes. I couldn't. It was painful enough seeing the moving images under my eyelids. I imagined I could see a smug faced Malfoy gliding smoothly in the sky, throwing a triumphant punch into the air and in his other hand he was showing the crowd, the fluttering golden snitch.

**February 11th **

I was moved into the hospital wing to recover. I've got a few broken bones and ribs. It hurts a lot but Madame Pomfrey gave me this special brew to drink to ease the pain away. I should recover in a couple of days.

I really hate the hospital bed though. The mattress is so thin. At least I'm not bored yet. I've had a lot of visitors throughout the day.

Roger said he was going to complain about Malfoy and that he'd read up again on the Quidditch rules and see if it was really an illegal move. Marietta brought down some of my stuff from the dorm. I asked her for my mirror too just in case.

Harry brought me some flowers! He picked them from the forest apparently. I think some of them were weeds but they were lovely anyway. He sat down by my bed.

"I got a detention." He said putting the flowers by my bed table.

I sat myself up and put a pillow behind my back, "What for?"

"I hit Malfoy" he said sheepishly.

"Oh Harry you didn't..."

"Yeah," He said leaning forward, "He deserved it."

I couldn't help but smile a little, "Thank you...but don't get in trouble again just because of me ok?"

"What was he saying to you up there?" he said reaching for my hand.

I thought it would be better not to throw oil over fire. I'm not even sure how much Harry even saw when I was up in the air. Was he angry with Draco for physically touching me or was it just knocking me off my broom in such a violent way? Or was it more than that? Harry doesn't need more things to worry about. I'm sure this would all be so distracting. He needs to think about whatever he's secretly doing about You Know Who… that's far more important than something so trivial. He shouldn't be worrying about me.

So I shrugged my shoulders and said, "He was just saying...you know the usual stuff about pure blood and things. Nothing new. I told him where to go."

Harry smiled, "Good" he said quietly and then he leant over gave me a lingering kiss.

Perhaps Ron's right.

Maybe some things are better left unsaid.

And that in the long run... the things we don't know will save us.


	13. Riddles in the Dark

**February 12th**

I've been ordered to stay in bed the whole weekend by Madame Pomfrey because I can still feel my bones rippling underneath my skin. It's so uncomfortable! So here I am sitting in this rickety iron bed twiddling my thumbs like a useless lump until I'm back to normal. I don't know what's more painful...my broken bones or staring out of the window watching everyone outside on their way to have some fun on their Hogsmeade weekend. At least I had some visitors to keep me company for a while. Marietta stopped by to give me some astronomy homework followed by some others like Ron Weasley..

"I'm meeting Hermione in about 10 minutes but I thought I'd stop by and say Hi." He said sitting on the chair next to me, "How are you feeling?'

"I'm ok but I can't wait to get out of here," I said. I gently peeled back the curtain of my window letting in a pale slant of light to shine across the bed.

"Say you don't have any ideas for Valentines day presents do you? I don't have a clue what to get Hermione," he said with a heavy sigh.

I can't believe I had forgotten it was in two days time. I wonder if Harry is going to remember... he is the type that needs reminding.

Ron was patiently waiting for an answer.

"Well. It doesn't have to be extravagant; little thoughtful things are nice. A love poem..."

Ron's face flinched

"Or flowers...Girls love flowers." I said.

A wave of relief seemed to sweep over him, "I can do flowers."

Ron looked down at his feet and then said, "Listen, Cho..."

"Hey guys!"

We both turned to the doorway. Harry was standing there with Hermione.

Ron quickly stood up,"Ugh...well I better go. See you around."

Then he joined Hermione, who fussed over him as they walked down the corridor. Harry smiled and plonked himself in the empty chair beside me.

"So how was your detention?" I said.

"I had to go find Flobberworms in the muddy ditches of the Forbidden Forest. Then I had to extract mucus from them for potions and stuff." He wiped his hands over his trousers and then passed me a packet of chocolate frogs to eat.

"Oh Harry...I hope you haven't forgotten. There's a very important day coming up."

His voice went reed thin, "Important day...yeah...of course."

I arched an eyebrow, "Valentines day?"

"OH!" he brightly, "Oh yeah. No I remember. Yeah."

"That's what I thought." I said as I threw him my wizard card.

"So...what do you want to do?'

I looked around the hospital wing, "Well...I can't really do much if I'm sitting in here."

"You're right' he said, "shall we cancel it then?"

"I hope you're kidding!" I said laughing.

Suddenly Ginny burst into the hospital wing breathless, "Harry...we might have found something! Come quick!"

He shot up from out of his seat and quickly turned to me.

"Look I've got to go," he said, "I'll stop by tomorrow."

And then he ran off following Ginny. I could hear their whispers moulding into each other as they ran further into the distance together...Hmmmm...so Ginny Weasley knows even more than me about all this You Know Who business.

Sometimes I think my life would be so much easier if I didn't care about Harry at all.

**February 14th **

Madame Pomfrey does not have a romantic bone in her body. She would not let Harry take me out for a walk today. I tried telling her I was feeling 100 better but she wouldn't budge.

"Harry can sit here with you for about 10 minutes. That's it! You still need plenty of rest." She said sharply and then went off to scold someone who was picking their scabs.

Harry tested me on the star positions for an upcoming astronomy test. He had a piece of my tattered parchment in his hand, "Ok, what's that constellation over there?"

We stared out of the window and looked at the darkening sky.

I think he was pointing at the cluster to my right, "Er...the archer?"

He flipped through my scrolls, "Are you just making things up now?" he said trying to find the answer.

"I don't know," I said, "Give me a hint?"

He shook his head, "If I do you'll never learn anything."

"Harry...You know it's Valentines day."

He handed me back my parchment, "And your point is?"

"Do I really need to remind you?" I said looking round to see if Madame Pomfrey was looking. I pulled him in for a kiss.

"Do you remember now?" I said.

"No." He said looking up into the sky with a smile, "I think I need more reminding."

We leaned towards each other.

"Alright times up!" shouted Madame Pomfrey. She started ushering Harry out of his chair,"Miss Chang needs her sleep. Now off you go Mr Potter."

"But.." he said looking over his shoulder at me.

"No buts...you can see her tomorrow when she's all better."

Not the valentines day I had been expecting. But later that night Harry messaged me through the two-way mirror.

"Hey Cho," he whispered, "Is Madame Pomfrey asleep?"

I rolled over onto my side and looked up towards her room at the end. Her lamp was out but as always her door was left open. I could hear her gentle snore coming from her room.

"Yes...I think so."

"I'm going to come and visit you." He said.

"What now?" I said. "You can't...someone is going to see you"

"I have ways around that," he said.

"What like you'll turn yourself invisible?" I said laughing quietly.

He didn't say anything at the other end.

"Listen let's meet in the hallway by the stone witch statue ok?" he said.

"Harry...as exciting as this sounds someone is going to see us."

"Don't worry, remember I've got the map. I can warn you through the mirror if you should turn back... Come on it will be fun..."

I glanced over. I had to be certain Madame Pomfrey was sleeping.

She was snoring all right!

"Ok then." I said to Harry in the mirror.

I quietly placed my feet onto the cold stone floor. Then I hastily stuffed my pillows under my duvet...you know so that it would look like I was still lying there. Then I fought my way into my dressing gown and disappeared into the dark halls of Hogwarts.

I know we have ghosts and everything and I'm used to that but it's so deathly quiet and still. It's alarming.

"Harry?" I whispered into the mirror, "Am I still safe?"

"Yes." He said.

I found my way to the statue and concealed myself under the cover of the shadows. I could hear footsteps across the surface of the floor. I couldn't whisper into the mirror...what if it was Flich and Mrs Norris? My open eyes darted blindly in the dark. I thought I could make out a cloaked black shape standing in front of me. It had to be Harry.

My fingers reached in front of me touching the fabric of cloak. It was something...it was'nt an ordinary wizards cloak. It was like slippery velvet...like liquid.

It wasn't something I knew...

Was it a Dementor in the dark?

Then the figure disappeared.

I was frightened. What had just happened?

Then I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, my eyes now adjusted to the dark...I could recognize the outline of Harry's body under the moonlight.

"Don't scare me like that!" I said, "You with your dark magic."

I gazed at the glint of the light in his eyes and I realized I had never seen him so close in the dark before. My heart beat a little faster. He bent his head to mine catching my lips in his. Our kiss deepened. Harry broke away for a moment. He shut his eyes tight and rubbed his forehead.

"One of those headaches again?" I said.

"No it was nothing," he said. I drew my head back, my hands resting against his shoulders, "Harry...will you ever tell me what's really going on in your life."

The sounds of our breathing seemed to die away into the darkness. His green eyes flickered to my face. "I don't know if I can."

I felt one knot tie in my stomach,"What... ever?"

He glanced down at his feet. The space between us seemed to be lengthening. I felt a sharp twist in my heart.

_Vicious__ cycles... that's what some people call them. _

He couldn't look at me.

"What am I?" I felt my voice raise, "A bit of fun away from reality?"

"No!" he said

Why was he denying it? he told me as much in his own words that he liked to escape with me and forget things. I truly thought I could live with not knowing... I thought I could handle it. But now it just didn't seem to be enough. I felt him closer, his brow rested on mine, "Cho, I don't want to quarrel with you.'

I turned my head to the window. My eyes were beginning to burn under his stare..

"I'll never be a part of your life will I?" I said detaching myself from his arms.

I thought about what Ron said to me. How it was best I didn't know anything at all. But how could it be? I was missing out on something so important in Harry's life and he was keeping it a secret from me.

"Harry you can tell me..." I said, "I won't tell anyone."

"I know you won't. But I can't." He said.

"You can. Don't you trust me?"

"I do but I can't" He said again.

I nodded my head slowly. I didn't want to be angry with him but I didn't always want to be standing on the fringe of his life. We stood silently together.We could never really be truly happy together not while You Know Who was still at large and not while there were still a gulf of secrets standing between us.

"This is not going to work." I said him. I reached into my pocket and I handed him back his mirror.

"It's for the best...I think."

I turned on my heels and left him by the statue and I didn't look back...

**February 14th - later...**

It was for the best that was what I kept saying in my head but then I wondered why I felt so empty inside. I quickened my pace a little until I broke into a run. I was running back as fast as I could. I thought I could run my pain away as my feet hit hard against the floor. Suddenly I felt a bone spasm in my right leg. I had to stop - still weak from my wounds. I rested against a wall clutching my leg.

I heard something ahead of me. My breath hung in the chilly air.

A cloaked figure was stalking the corridors. I could see it moving slowly across the other end of the hallway. I tried flattening myself against the wall as much as I could and held my breath.

I saw a small blue flame ignite from the figure...like you see with muggles sometimes. Those cigerette lighters. I figured it was some student out late at night out for a smoke. I heard the figure curse under his (it sounded male) breath. Then they walked off.

It couldn't be Harry on his way to his common room. I had just left him... he would still be behind me. I came to the conclusion that it was probably a Slytherin or a Gryffindor since their common rooms are up ahead. I slipped back to the safety of the hospital wing wondering who it was out for a sneaky smoke. I should have to ask Harry...oh wait...I guess I can't anymore.

Wait just because we're not together doesn't mean we can't be friends. I hope we're still friends. Although maybe I can't just be friends with him...what am I doing to myself?

So much for Valentines day...

**Feb 15th**

The next morning. I was well enough to go to breakfast with everyone else.

Harry came after me, "We need to talk." He said seriously, "About last night".

Tomasin started giggling. I shot her a look and she walked away with Charlotte. She must think he's implying something else.

"There's nothing to talk about." I said to him, "I think it will be easier between us."

"So what...we're just friends?" he said.

"I hope so." I said, "I mean why waste a friendship?"

I didn't feel awkward in the slightest...argh...Why was I being so sensible when all I really wanted to do was kiss him. No, I'm not going to start torturing myself over him. I mean that's all just...I mean the only real difference about not being his girlfriend is that I don't kiss him. Maybe I'm a little less important than a girlfriend but at least I know where I stand and I don't have to feel like he has to owe me an explanation. So I may pine a little bit but I will get over it. I know I will.

"Cho, don't be stupid!" Harry snapped. He was holding his two way mirror at me urging me to take it, "You're going to let Voldermort win again."

I stared hard at him. I don't like being called stupid but...

"It's not about winning against You Know Who." I said. "It's just that...I feel like I'm on the outside all the time..I don't know how many times I have to tell you. I want to know things about you.."

Harry's face softened, "and I want to tell you everything. You have to believe that and I hope I can soon. But you just have to be patient with me. Please Cho. Wait."

He was still holding the mirror in front of my face. I stared at it. Something inside me just told me I couldn't give up on him now. It was too soon.

Then I smiled at him.

"Fancy eating breakfast with me?' I said patting the chair next to me.

He pressed his lips together and nodded with a warm smile that reached up to his eyes.

"I don't know why you have to be a drama queen about everything." He said forking a piece of sausage into his mouth. He scoffed with his mouth full, "I saw how fast you were running on the map last night."

"Well to be fair I WAS a bit upset...but I did stop eventually. I had to." I said taking a sip from my cup, "I thought I saw a teacher patrolling but it was actually a kid just having a smoke."

"What?" he said.

"Yeah I know...talk about risky, right out in the open too. If Flich or..."

"You must have been seeing things" said Harry.

I thought it was a bit rich coming from someone who wears glasses.

"Cho...I'm not being funny. Remember my map? last night I checked to see if you got to the hospital wing safely. I only saw your name there. There was no one else." His thick brows knitted together.

"So...you didn't see another figure on the map? with me?" I said.

"No one." He said

A cold chill quivered down my skin.

"So there was someone else there too?" He said with distant look in his eye. It was like he was thinking to himself.

"Yes...it was a cloaked figure."

He looked at me.

"You know there's an explanation for everything... maybe it was a ghost?" I said.

"No. The map sees ghosts like say Nearly Headless Nick or the Bloody Baron...their names will show up."

"Well it was a kid...it must have been...lighting a cigarette." I said.

"Are you sure it was...what was the size...the height of the figure?" he said.

"I don't know...it was far away..." I said, "It could have been anything."

"Or anyone." He said mysteriously.

"Probably just a silly first year!"

"The map may be a simple object charmed by school boys but someone who can conceal themselves away by magic... without detection must be pretty powerful." He said.

I couldn't take another bite of my breakfast, " What are you suggesting?...that this is person was using black magic?"

I could see his mind working hard in those keen green eyes of his and he said under his breath.

"Very...very black magic indeed."


	14. Everything Falls

**The Story continued... **

I searched for signs on Harry's face. Usually if he's worried, a wrinkle will appear in his brow. I couldn't find the wrinkle. Sometimes if he's stressed or panicking about something, beads of sweat will dot across his temples. Not a trace...

Why wasn't he as horrified as I was?

"Ah Miss Chang. I was wondering if I could have a quiet word with you" said a voice. It was Professor Flitwick.

I looked to Harry and then back to the Professor. What else could I do? I couldn't ignore a teacher. Well I could but then I'd be sent to detention.

"It's ok Professor Flitwick. I was just leaving," said Harry. He shoved all his books carelessly into his bag and then swung his leg over the bench. He turned to me, his back facing Flitwick.

"Don't worry I'll speak to Dumbledore about it now" Then he hurried down and out of the tall doors of the Great Hall.

Professor Flitwick coughed, "Yes Cho, I wanted to arrange an appointment tomorrow morning with you about your last assignment. You made a few errors that need to be corrected."

He passed me a several parchments that I had handed in last week. Unraveling the parchment revealed crosses of red ink making their way down the side of my own handwriting.Yikes! This was more than a few errors. This looked like a failure!

"Perhaps you've been a little distracted lately." He said with his eyes passing over to the doors through which Harry just had left. I felt myself blushing a little.

"You know this is your final year. We don't want you to fall at the last hurdle!" he said in his usual small delightful voice.

I stifled a yawn. I know it's rude and I didn't mean too but it just came out. I'm not trying to make excuses but I did have a late night.

"Oh don't worry your head about it. Just read through this paper and then ask me any questions you don't understand tomorrow. I'll be in my office at 8.30am.'

I laughed a little thinking how problematic this day was turning out. First this mysterious stranger lurking about Hogwarts and now of all things I was failing my exams. I could feel my eyelids getting heavier and heavier by the minute. The only thing I really wanted at that moment was to curl up in bed and go to sleep for a while.

...Harry was already on his way to Dumbledore to tell him of our findings.

So there wasn't really anything to worry about anymore and so I went back up to the Ravenclaw wing and pulled the covers over me. Nothing wrong with a quick nap in the afternoon! Boy do I sound like an old fogey. About half and hour later I woke up.I rolled over in bed with hand stretched out feeling for my bedside clock. Blinking away the blurry film from my eyes, I looked closer and the clock read….

10.30 AM.

IMPOSSIBLE.

Had I been so tired that I had slept through the whole afternoon and straight on to next morning?

This was not going to be a good day I had already missed Professor Flitwick's morning meeting and now I was late for lessons. I sat up but my head was feeling so heavy. Then it dawned on me I had also missed my morning daily dosage from Madame Pomfrey. I grimaced a little. My bones were not as delicate as they were but they were still quite tender.

I fell back into bed, thinking I should take advantage of the situation. The teachers were all very aware of my accident... it's not that I'm a trouble maker most of time...anyhow. I decided instead of rushing and stressing out I was going to check the owlery and see if mum had sent me a package or a letter.

I was desperately hoping for a package! But I got more than I bargained for….

As I pulled open the door of the owlery, a putrid smell blasted up into my nostrils. I covered my mouth with my sleeve trying hard not to breathe it in. I looked up into skylight. Threads of sunlight were streaming through the dust motes and floating feathers. I watched one of those feathers fell gently onto the hay-strewn ground.

But now the hay was darkening with blood.

My eyes followed the red.

All I could see on the ground were dead birds and broken wings...

I didn't dare scream because if I opened my mouth I knew I would be able to taste the blood at the back of my throat. I wanted to see if my own owl, Quintus, was there. Was he ok? I hoped he was. I stood very still with my hand gripped tightly to the door-knob. My eyes searching.Who had done this? Was this person…this thing still around? Lurking somewhere outside or worse... were they in the owlery with me?

My conscious was telling me to run…

I left

A gust of feathers eddying in my wake.

My feet was pounding hard against the ground.My head heavy with thoughts... _Was it anything to do with the figure I saw the other night? Had Harry got his message to Dumbledore yesterday? Harry would have done it…he would have said something...unless…I shouldn't have been so stupid. Why did I fall asleep? I should have made sure I had told a teacher._

I reached the main school and pulled the door shut tight behind me. I rested my head against the thick wooden door trying to catch my breath. For a brief moment, I was thankful I was back under protection of Hogwarts. But I couldn't help but feel tearful and guilt ridden. Was this my fault? Could I have done something to prevent this?I opened my eyes again and looked above. Students were walking about, on the moving staircases, coming out of commons rooms; it was a strange time to see so many people wandering about. Why weren't they in class?

A young girl from Gryffindor passed by me. A worried expression was etched upon her pallid face. I tapped her shoulder gently to get her attention.

"Are you ok?" I said softly.

She looked at me and her bushy eyebrows slanted upwards.

"I don't know. Something is strange is happening to us" she said glancing at the rest of the students walking around. She turned back to me in a half whisper,

"Don't you feel it?"

"What you mean?" I said.

"You didn't feel it? It's this heavy headed feeling. Like we've been in a deep dark sleep. Like we've been put under a sleeping spell."

Heavy headed? I did feel that this morning.

"And you'll never guess where I woke up? In the library. I mean I was there in the library yesterday afternoon but…to sleep there the whole night? And it's not just me. My friend Bethany in Hufflepuff, she said the whole class fell asleep…. half way through an exam…can you imagine?"

I needed to find a teacher. Sleeping spells and dead owls? What on earth was going on? So I left the Gryffindor girl, hoping to find a familiar face in the crowd.

The air was spiked with excited murmurs and whispers. More and more students were beginning to pile out of their common rooms and onto the staircases. Pushing past the moving bodies, I eventually found Marietta. She was standing outside the main entrance of the Great Hall

"I was worried about you!" she said giving me a great big hug.

"I'm fine." I said to her, as we broke apart.

"Do you have any idea what's going on? Like why is everyone waking up in strange places?"

"What you as well?" I said.

"I was on a moving stair case," she said, "on my way to Potions."

I didn't want to believe this was all going on. What if the strange things that were happening really were connected to everything I knew. That meant that Harry hadn't said anything to Dumbledore. I did not want to believe that. He wouldn't have kept something so vital to himself...No. Perhaps Harry had been harmed in some way and if that had happened then, it was down to me to tell some authority figure. I should have made sure someone had known. But how could I if I had fallen asleep? Maybe Harry had fallen under the sleeping spell as well. They would explain a lot.

A clapping sound from the top of the moving staircase came bellowing down, "QUIET PLEASE."

It was Emily Sawbridge, in full head girl mode shouting into a loudspeaker or sorts. "Would all students, please go to the Great Hall now and await further instruction."

We filtered through with the rest of the crowd into the Great Hall. Now all I needed to do was tell someone about the owls. I spotted Roger walking down the centre of the hall, his head boy badge glinting under the enchanted candle lights.

"Roger!"

"Are you ok?' he said.

"Yes. I'm fine but I've got to tell you something. Something I saw just now."

"Can it wait? We've got a bit of crisis that we have to deal with," he said turning on his heels.

I walked alongside him now, "But it might have something to do with the crisis. You see, I was at the Owlery this morning and.."

"I know." He said with his voice a little lower, "They're dead."

I stopped walking and stared at him. While it was a tragic situation I was glad that he knew because that meant Dumbledore had informed him and he himself had called us to this meeting in the Great Hall. Dumebledore would tell us what was happening and let us know that we would be safe!

Relief! My hand fell onto my chest, "At least Dumbeldore knows about it." I said.

"Dumbledore is missing." He said sharply and then he whispered to me, "They all are."

His head turned towards the table where all the teachers sat. All their chairs were empty.

Then Roger turned away and walked to the front of the hall alone.

Something broke inside of me.

For the last shred of hope I was clinging too had been cruelly snatched away...


	15. And so it begins

**The Story Continued….**

I had hardly imagined I would see this again! It's been a long time since I've held this diary in my hands... It's been what….3 years since I last wrote in this thing? Ok, three years might not be a long time to you but so much has changed…so much has happened…. I feel I should finish this story and write it down, for history's sake…for my sake. So where do I start my tale? I suppose they would say that the easiest thing to do would be to begin where I last left off.

So there I was back in the Great Hall….where my world world was crumbling down! I remember how chaotic it was there…the muttering, the whispers amongst the students! _What was happening? Had we really all been under a sleeping spell?_ Whilst most students were marveling at the amusing predicament that they had found themselves in, I knew better. There I was standing there amongst them left to ponder alone perhaps the biggest impending scandal of them all.

_Hogwarts was under attack. _

At least that was what I had concluded. If only to myself!

I had seen a mysterious figure lurking in the halls of Hogwarts the other night. I had taken it to be a student skiving in the night for a sneaky muggle smoke but Harry had told me that it had to be work of dark magic, why? Because this figure had been untraceable on the Marauders Map! And then that very morning, I had discovered that all the owls had been killed. All of them….a mass of blood and feathers flying. Who could have done such a thing?

And then as all the students were gathering in the Great Hall, Roger Davies had confided to me that all the teachers had vanished. And the one I had been counting on…Harry….He was supposed to have told Dumbledore about the mysterious figure… but I hadn't seen him anywhere. The alarm bells were ringing loud and clear, someone or something wanted to sever our main sources of communication and most importantly…. protection.

But who could have breached Hogwarts most famed protection charms, shields and illusions?

What did we have in Hogwarts that they (whoever they were) so desperately wanted?

…………………..

In the Great Hall….

Emily calmly walked towards the raised platform, to the place where Dumbledore would normally be when he wanted to address the whole school.

"Alright! Alright calm down everyone," her eyes looked around darkly,"We have found ourselves in a bit of situation but let's not panic."

"If this is not the work of dark magic then I will eat the sorting hat!" Marietta muttered to me.

Ah ha, so I wasn't alone in my suspicions.

"What do you mean by situation?" shouted a voice from the Hufflepuff table.

"QUIET PLEASE,' Emily said, "I know that all of you have pretty much had similar experiences this morning. I've had several reports of people having symptoms of being under a sleeping spell. This is untrue; we are simply all under an enchanted flu epidemic."

"I've never heard of an enchanted flu before," shouted Seamus Finnegan.

Emily looked up and moved a stray hair from her face, "Now Dumbledore is currently being tied up else where to get the medicine but we must control this epidemic and avoid spreading it so we are going to ban any outdoor excursions. Trust me, Quarantine is really for the benefit of everyone! So while we try to sort this situation out we want you to listen to your form prefects carefully for further instruction,"

Roger grabbed her by the arm. His eyes had widened and his face looked furious. She jerked her arm away from him. From the looks of it they were certainly having a very serious discussion but no one could hear.

"Oh my god….are we going to die?" squealed a young first year.

"Watkins, don't be so ridiculous," said Emily haughtily, "It's just highly contagious at the moment. Nothing serious at all…"

Emily was a good head girl but she was a seriously bad liar. Her reasoning did not explain where the rest of the teachers were.

Roger suddenly began edging his way towards the speaker's podium. Emily glared at him and attempted to maintain her spot but Roger, being much stronger than she was, simply lifted her from the spot she was standing in and moved her to the side.

He stepped forward, clearing his voice to speak to the rest of the Great Hall; he said gravely, "We think Hogwarts is under threat."

A great gasp rippled across the tables. Emily shot Roger a look and then threw her hands up in the air.

"I'm sorry Emily," He said raising his voice over hers.

Silence fell over the Great Hall.

"I'm sorry," His voice shook slightly, "as much as I understand Emily's stance on this matter, after all our main concern is to protect you all… but I feel this is the wrong way to go about. I believe that it is in your best interests if we are honest with you so that you can be prepared!"

Emily crossed her arms, "Yes Dumbledore is not here right now but _he's dealing_ with the problem like I said!"

"Stop speaking in code and just tell us what's going on!!!" shouted someone from Slytherin.

Emily and Roger looked at each other.

Emily spoke up this time, "The Floo networks are down and the owls are…inaccessible to us. As of now, we do not have any contact with our teachers or the outside world."

"But let's not panic. It's just a minor technical hitch. Floo networks are so un-reliable these days," she said brightly.

"Emily stop pretending everything is ok. It's not," said Roger.

"Will you stop undermining me?" She hissed under her breath, "If we are divided we will lose control of Hogwarts."

As those two fought between each other, voices were rising and falling, whispering full of conspiracies and theories. Where were the teachers? Who was tampering with our communication networks? But I think most of us, particularly the elder students, knew what was really happening. It wasn't a question of who or what. Deep down, all of us knew…that the Second War was finally here and it was to begin at Hogwarts.

**The Story Continued….**

"IT'S ALL HIS FAULT!" shouted a voice. It was a boy from Slytherin.

He was pointing a finger at someone standing near the doorway of the Great Hall, all of our heads turned, following his gaze. It was Harry…. My Harry!

NEVER have I felt so RELIEVED in my life. He was fine! He was alive and that's all that mattered.

Harry was looking around quite nervously at everyone trying to dodge this guy's accusing gaze. He really never was that good at being centre of attention.

"You know what this is?" said the Slytherin boy. He was standing up from his seat, It's a sign, we all knew this was going to happen. You Know Who was going to come for him…because he always does…and unfortunately for us… The Harry Potter goes to Hogwarts and where Harry goes surely he will follow," he said shaking with his nostrils flared.

All eyes were on Harry now.

"Don't go blaming Harry!" shouted Ron from his side, "He's not the one with the problem. If anyone has a problem… it's all you slytherin types!"

"What?" said the boy shortly.

"Yeah you heard me!" shouted Ron, "The darkest witch and wizards are all the slytherins…if anyone had brought dark magic in here it would be one of you!" he said.

My mind raced back to the mystery lurker that night.

"OH….GREAT!" shouted Pansy Parkinson, "Just because we're in Slytherin doesn't mean we're like…I dunno….death-eaters or anything."

"You know maybe you have a chat with your boyfriend. Malfoy," shouted Parvati Patil to Pansy.

Pansy shot her a look and then looked around.

"Yeah where is Draco anyway?' said Lavender, "Up to no good no doubt. I bet he did this! He's got the connections and where's his father now? Oh that's right. He's in Azkaban.."

Pansy opened her mouth and then closed it again. She looked down the table.

"Leave my father out of this." Draco glowered. He was at entrance of the Great Hall with his friends, always working on his own time schedule. He sauntered down the aisle and took his seat at the Slytherin table, "like I would waste my time chasing after Potter! I've got better things to do."

"No one is accusing you of anything," said Emily, "Now I suggest we all go back to our common rooms. Listen to your prefects; we'll let you know as soon as possible if we hear anything."

She stepped down from the podium and walked ahead. Several prefects went up to approach her for their next move. Roger reached out to touch her shoulder but she dodged away from him.

I noticed Harry go up to her as well. So naturally I followed.

"I can help you" he said to her.

"Thank you Harry but I think I've got it all under control," she said.

"No offence but I don't you do," he said.

She spun round and stooped a little to look him in the eye. She was ready to verbally attack him. I could see it in her steely eyes but Harry quickly intervened quickly, "Just hear me out ok?'

She sighed and signaled for him to talk with the wave of her hand.

"I have an army well not a big army but we specialize in Defence against the Dark arts." He said.

"Oh no," she said firmly pointing a finger at him, "no, I know what army this is. I will not accept violence here."

Was she trying to channel Umbridge or what?

"Listen, I just know that when it comes to Voldermort. I'm pretty experienced in that department," He said to her.

"They'll come for us," she said, her voice softened considerably, "Someone, from the ministry of magic…they'll know about this….and anyway who says this has anything to do with You Know Who…."

"Voldermort and his death eaters have taken over the ministry," Harry lowered his voice, and whispered "We cannot lay our hopes on them any more…We're on our own and they are watching us."

"I have the upmost faith in Dumbledore. He will not abandon us," she said stiffly.

Harry swung his arms around, "Listen of course I think Dumbledore would do everything in his power to protect us but what if he can't. What if he lost control? Emily don't do something you might regret. We have to be ready. All of us…"

Emily shook her head and brushed past him down the Great Hall. Students were beginning to leave their seats.

"It's now or never." Harry said to me from the side of his mouth. I had no idea what he was talking about but Ron and Hermione were now standing by. They seemed to know what was happening as they exchanged nervous looks between each other.

Harry leapt up on the top of the Gryffindor table and shouted in a loud voice to the crowd that was leaving.

"STOP!"

Ron and Hermione clambered up as well. I guess for moral support. I wasn't really sure what he was going to say. I noticed the rest of Dumbledore's Army were gathering by him.

"I'm just asking for a moment," said Harry, "Just hear me out before you go."

"Please," said Hermione, "It's important."

I could see Emily Sawbridge at the end, staring at him coldly.

"There's no point denying it more. We know that Voldermort is back. We knew he was going to come back and we all know what his mission in life is…"

"Yeah, it's to kill you isn't?" said Dean Thomas innocently.

"NO!" said Hermione, "v..Vol..dermort." She shivered as she said it, "is trying to destroy something we believe in. He wants to bring this school down and bring it back to what it was."

"And that means he's going to want to be here and we have to be ready for it," said Ron looking at Hermione quite intently, "We have to be in this together."

"You're just saying that because he wants to kill you," heckled Malfoy to Harry 'Of course you'd want loads of people on your side….to protect you. So they'll all die first..and then you can run away…"

Harry ignored him and began to speak, "Well ok I have a history with him but it's more than that..he's threatening our school, he's threating muggles, he's threatening "half breeds" and what he likes to call "mudbloods"……he's destroying everything this place has ever stood for. Unity….and… I'm really no good at making speeches, but I know how I feel and this is going to end soon. I promise. I'm going to finish what was started all those years ago. We won't be afraid to say his name anymore because it won't mean anything……..but I can't do this alone. I'm going to need your help……."


End file.
